


Harry Potter's Pen Pal

by Sweet_Wing_Queen101



Series: Pen Pal [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark!Harry, Dumbledore Bashing, Funny, Hermione Bashing, SeverusxRegulus, Weasley Bashing, YOU'RE GAY YOU'RE GAY EVERYONE'S GAY (Except Theo), ace theo, lgbtq+, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 30,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26718874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Wing_Queen101/pseuds/Sweet_Wing_Queen101
Summary: What would have happened if Harry had gotten the diary Horcrux instead of Ginny?Harry is confused about many things. Why won't Dumbledore let him stay at Hogwarts for the summer instead of go back to the Dursleys? Why won't Ginny leave him alone, even after he tells her he's gay? Why do Ron and Hermione keep meeting with Dumbledore and not telling him about it?With the help of his new friend, Tom Riddle, Harry answers these questions and more....
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Viktor Krum, Draco Malfoy/Fred Weasley, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Luna Lovegood/George Weasley, Marcus Flint/Theodore Nott, Minerva McGonagall/Poppy Pomfrey, Neville Longbottom/Blaise Zabini, Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood, Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Pen Pal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018420
Comments: 99
Kudos: 957
Collections: Finished faves





	1. Chapter 1

“Break it up, gents, break it up.”

Harry turned to see Hagrid pushing his way through the crowd. He forcefully pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart.

Mr. Weasley scowled and adjusted his robes, while his wife fumed silently. Mr. Malfoy glared right back.

Harry was a bit confused. He didn’t understand a few things. One, why had Mr. Weasley attacked Mr. Malfoy with his fists when he had a wand in arm’s reach? Two, why had Mr. Malfoy riled up Mr. Weasley when they were in public? Did he want Mr. Weasley to attack him? Three, why did Hagrid not notice that he was choking Mr. Malfoy with his robes, he was making noises that clearly meant he couldn’t breathe-?!

Mr. Malfoy managed to pull himself out of Hagrid’s grip with a scowl, gasping and massaging his throat. He shoved Harry’s Break With a Banshee at him and growled, “Draco, we’re leaving.”

Harry took the book and said quietly, “Thank you, sir.”

Mr. Malfoy gave him a startled look before grabbing Draco’s shoulder and marching off, dragging his son with him.

When Harry went to put his book back in his bag, he frowned. It was a bit thicker and heavier than usual. He shrugged, dismissing it as his imagination, and put it away.

“A fine example to set for your children!” Mrs. Weasley snarled at her husband. “Brawling in public! What Gilderoy Lockhart must have thought…!”

Harry frowned. Wasn’t Mr. Weasley her husband? Why didn’t she care more about him? His lip was bleeding and his face was covered in bruises, and all she cared about was what Gilderoy Lockhart thought.

Adults were confusing.

\------------

Later that day, after dinner, Harry decided to reorganize his books. He pulled them out of his trunk and began putting them in small piles.

Ron burst into the room just as Harry had finished, shouting, “Did you see Dad today? How he just jumped at Malfoy’s dad? That was amazing!” As he barged in, he knocked over the pile of Herbology and History, and, like dominos, that knocked over all the other piles.

Harry sighed. “Ron, could you please not shout?” Harry asked softly, rubbing his head as he started organizing again.

“I wasn’t shouting,” Ron said indignantly, in a slightly quieter voice, but it was still rather loud for Harry’s sensitive ears. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“Organizing my books, so I can find them easier,” Harry responded calmly. “I don’t know about you, but I would rather not get on Professor Snape’s bad side this year.”

Ron snorted. “Good luck. He hates you no matter what you do.” He started bouncing on his bed, babbling loudly about school.

Harry had just finished organizing his books when he frowned. He had one extra book. Had he counted wrong? He went through the books again, carefully, and found a small, blank, black book.

Harry frowned further. He was sure he hadn’t purchased this, and it certainly didn’t belong to the Weasleys; it was clearly well-cared for, it was also very old, and Harry had never seen it before. Maybe it had fallen into his bag…?

He opened it carefully to the first page. The only words on the page, written in Slytherin silver ink, were _T. M. Riddle._

Riddle? Harry had no idea who that was.

After about two minutes, the only things Harry found out about Riddle was: either he never wrote in the diary, or he didn’t trust anyone not to read his diary, so he hid whatever he wrote.

Harry bit his lip and glanced at Ron. His friend was snoring loudly, his mouth hanging open, drool hanging from one lip.

Slowly, not really having any idea what he was doing, Harry took a pen ⎯ he preferred them to quills ⎯ out of his trunk and placed the tip on the paper.

**_My name is Harry Potter._ **

The words shone on the page for a few seconds before, to Harry’s great astonishment, they faded away. So that was how he hid the entries! And then, to his further astonishment, more words appeared on the paper, written in the same silvery, neat writing as Riddle’s name had been.

_My name is Tom Riddle. How did you come by my diary?_

Harry stared at the diary for a moment before those words, too, faded away. After a pause, he wrote back.

_**My aunt has told me many times not to talk to strangers.** _

The answer came back quickly. _Smart. However, the diary you possess is incredibly important to me. One would say its importance is life-or-death. You do not have to tell me anything about yourself, just tell me how you got it._

Harry thought for a moment, then answered carefully.

_**I don’t actually know how I got it. One minute I didn’t have it, the next I did. I’m pretty sure it used to be in Flourish and Blotts. I’m sorry, should I give it back?** _

The answer was sharp and angry. _No!_ That word disappeared, and, in a calmer tone, Riddle explained. _I am fairly sure that this diary was not in Flourish and Blotts. Even if it appears that I have never written in it, they would have tried everything to find the previous owner before putting it on their shelves._

When Harry finished reading this, he had an inkling of how he got the diary. _**I… think Mr. Malfoy might have slipped the diary into one of my school books. He was fighting with Mr. Weasley, and he used my school book to hit his face and slipped it in while no one was looking. I’m not sure why he gave it to me.**_

There was a long pause. Finally more words appeared. _By any chance is Mr. Malfoy’s first name ‘Abraxas?’_

Harry stared at the diary in bewilderment. **_No. I think his name is Lucius._**

There was another pause. _What year is this, Harry?_

Harry frowned. _**1992.**_

Riddle’s answer was amused. _Ah. Then Lucius must be Abraxas’ son. You see, Harry, it’s been fifty years since I bought this diary._

Fifty years? Harry was astounded. _**How can you not remember anything, then?**_

The answer was worrying, and confusing. _Because I have been trapped in this diary for fifty years. I am the sixteen-year-old version of Tom Riddle. The last thing I recall was my sixth year at Hogwarts._

Harry blinked as the words disappeared. Then he scribbled a reply. _**How the Merlin does that work?!**_

It was a while before Riddle answered. When he did, Harry had to stifle a blush. _You are incredibly amusing, Harry. I’m afraid I can’t really explain it to you. As you said, one must not talk to strangers._

Harry bit his lip thoughtfully. Finally, he wrote a reply.

_**Then let’s not be strangers. Let’s be friends.** _

_Friends?_ Riddle’s question was either confused or interested.

 _ **Friends,**_ Harry agreed. _**You’re quieter than Ron, and you don’t sound like you think you’re smarter than everyone, like Hermione.**_

_Are Ron and Hermione your other friends?_

_**Yeah, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger,**_ Harry wrote. _**Ron is loud and doesn’t like doing homework, and Hermione thinks she’s better than everyone and claims someone is cheating if they get higher grades than her.**_

He’d once found one of his essays in the fireplace in Gryffindor common room. He’d been devastated; it had been one of the best essays he’d ever written. He knew Hermione had done it because she’d looked faintly smug when she caught him looking.

Harry realized Riddle had responded and quickly read it before the words disappeared. _They sound like terrible friends. Very well, Harry. We will try to be friends._

Harry smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry? It’s been a while since you’ve written. Is everything okay?_

_**Yeah, sorry, Tom. The barrier wouldn’t open at King’s Cross. We’re flying to Hogwarts in Mr. Weasley’s Angalia.** _

We?

_**Oh, sorry! Me and Ron.** _

‘Ron and I.’

_**Right. Sorry I didn’t write last night; Mrs. Weasley made a huge dinner, and she gets insulted if I don’t eat enough. I spent the night holding my stomach because she made me eat too much.** _

Why wouldn’t you eat enough?

_**No reason.** _

Harry.

_**Okay, so sometimes my relatives don’t feed me! Happy?** _

Why would I be happy that your relatives starve you, Harry? … Do they abuse you... in other ways?

_**Do you count me having to do every chore abuse?** _

Surely they do some of the chores! What about your cousin!

_**Dearest Duddykins is not allowed to lower himself to servant level. Duddykins must play with his friends and not spend time around the freak.** _

THEY CALL YOU A FREAK?!

_**Sometimes, not all the time! Most of the time they call me ‘Potter.’** _

Your hand was shaking a bit there, Harry. What’s wrong with the name ‘Potter?’ The Potters weren’t that bad. Henry Potter, your great-grandfather, was in Slytherin, my house, a few years before me.

_**You’re a Slytherin?** _

Yes. Is that a problem?

_**No, you’ve been really nice to me. It’s just that most of the other Slytherins have been rude. Probably because I’m the most famous Gryffindor since Albus Dumbledore.** _

You sound like you don’t like Albus Dumbledore….

_**I told him my relatives hate me, that they starve me and punish me if I do a chore wrong ⎯ and I always do it wrong, apparently ⎯ and he told me I was overreacting and refused to let me stay at Hogwarts over the summer!** _

Oh, Dumbledore’s rather famous for that. I asked him the same thing at the end of every school year, and he said the same thing.

_**Why wouldn’t you want to go home for the summer, Tom?** _

Because Hogwarts WAS my home ⎯ far more than that orphanage was.

_**Oh wow. That’s way worse than the Dursleys.** _

I’m not sure about that. Although I suppose they did ONE thing that was worse.

_**What did they do?...** _

_**Tom?...** _

They assumed I had a devil in me and forced me to go through several trials to get it ‘removed.’ They did it again after every school year. I even showed Dumbledore PROOF of this, and he refused to let me stay at school.

_**I seriously hate Dumbledore. He’s horrible.** _

I completely agree.

_**And I thought I was the only one abused by Muggles.** _

I’m sure many other Muggleborns are hurt by their parents, Harry.

_**I'm going to assume 'Muggleborn' means 'a magical child who has two Muggle parents.' I didn't know anything at all until my eleventh birthday.** _

What! Even I was told on July first! Someone didn’t come to tell you about your heritage? That’s what the school is supposed to do for Muggleborns, and those raised by Muggles.

_**Hagrid did. He didn’t really explain a lot, though. All he did was tell me how my parents died.** _

Hagrid? Dumbledore sent RUBEUS HAGRID to tell you that you were a wizard? That man is mad.

_**You know Hagrid?** _

_Well of course I do. He started Hogwarts when I started my fifth year. He knows very little about anything except dangerous magical creatures and he’s FAR too loyal to Dumbledore. He also hates Sly..._

_**Tom? What is it?** _

_Harry… tell me everything that happened before you got sorted into Gryffindor._

_**Um, well… the Dursleys treated me like a house-elf for eleven years…..** _

_The Dursleys treated you like-! ...How do you know what a house-elf is?_

_**Well, one showed up during this summer and told me I shouldn’t go to Hogwarts.** _

_...You can tell me about that after you explain what happened between your birthday and when you got sorted._

_**Okay… So the day after Hagrid told me about how my parents died ⎯ I’ll tell you about that later ⎯ he took me to Diagon Alley….** _

_Did you give him permission to take you there?_

_**No, but the Dursleys wouldn’t have taken me and I’m not allowed to go anywhere alone.** _

_…Go on…._

_**Um…. while we were shopping, I ran into Draco Malfoy. He was okay up to the point when Hagrid showed up, and then he probably assumed, like you did, that I was a Muggleborn. He’s… I think they call it a Pureblood supremacist? I didn’t tell him my name. I asked Hagrid about Slytherin afterwards ⎯ Draco said that all his family had been there ⎯ and he told me that there wasn’t a witch or wizard that went into Slytherin that didn’t come out a Dark wizard. I don’t know why everyone believes that; they’re eleven-year-old kids. After that I got a wand from Ollivander: Phoenix feather, holly, eleven inches. He told me it was curious because the Phoenix who gave my wand one of his feathers also gave another feather, and it was in Voldemort’s wand. He said Voldemort had done terrible but great things, so I would go on to do great things, too.** _

_...Voldemort?_

_**Yeah. Is he alive then, too?** _

_Yes... what happened after you got your wand?_

_**Well, nothing really happened until Uncle Vernon took me to King’s Cross. All the ticket said was ‘Platform 9 ¾,’ and Hagrid didn’t tell me how to get on it. I tried to find out how to get on by asking people and by asking conductors, but they thought I was being funny. Then I heard Mrs. Weasley shouting about Muggles.** _

_In a crowd full of Muggles?_

_**Yeah, but I don’t think she knew she was that loud. I didn’t realize that it was a bad thing to shout about Muggles anywhere but the wizarding world, so I just asked her how to get on to the platform. That’s how I met Ron ånd his family: Percy, the prefect, who reminds me of Hermione; Fred and George, the pranksters; Ron; and Ginny, the screechy banshee who has a crush on me, apparently, even if she’s only eleven now. Fred and George helped me get my trunk into the last compartment on the train ⎯ it was empty, I don’t really like loud noises ⎯ and Ron demanded that he sit with me, because, quote, “Everywhere else [was] full.” When I’d checked there were about five half-empty comparents. I assumed they’d filled up since I’d looked, so I let him sit with me. He was loud and annoying. I wanted to read my school books because the Muggles locked up all my things in my old cupboard, but he insisted on talking about Quidditch.** _

_What do you mean, ‘your old cupboard’?_

_**Um. Nothing.** _

_Harry._

_**TheMugglesmademesleepinabroomcupboardokay?** _

_...No. That’s not okay. At least I had a bedroom at the orphanage!... Right, I’ll rant later, continue._

_**About halfway through the train ride, Hermione burst into our compartment and demanded to know if we’d seen a toad, because Neville Longbottom had lost his. I thought it was rude that she’d burst in, I almost had a panic attack. Ron told her we hadn’t, but she insisted on staying because he was going to do ‘magic.’ He tried to turn his rat yellow, but the spell wasn’t actually a spell, it was more like a poem. She said ‘ Are you sure that’s a spell? Well, it’s not very good, is it?’ and then she said every spell she tried she succeeded at ⎯ I don’t know how, we weren’t allowed to use magic outside of school ⎯ and then she used the Repair Charm on my glasses.** _

_She used magic on you without your permission?_

_**Yes, but the Dursleys weren’t going to fix my glasses, were they? I thanked her, because I’m an idiot, and then she introduced herself as Hermione Granger. When I told them I was Harry Potter, Neville gasped and Hermione instantly named all the books I’m apparently in.** _

_Why would you be in books?_

_**Well, apparently, when I was a baby, Voldemort tried to kill me ⎯ I don’t know why ⎯ and it didn’t work. I lived, and he became something… less than human, I think that’s what Hagrid said. I’m a bit confused as to how a one-year-old baby could have defeated ‘the most powerful Dark Lord that ever lived,’ or why Voldemort would want to kill a baby. It made me famous, especially since Voldemort had killed my parents before he tried to kill me.** _

_I’m so sorry, Harry. No one should have to go through with that!_

_**Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything.** _

_...I’m just… sympathizing. I lost my parents at a young age, too._

_How did you get rid of Hermione?_

_**She said we should change into our school robes because she suspected we’d be at school soon. Then she left. About ten minutes after that, Draco showed up.** _

_I bet that was disastrous._

_**Duh. If Ron hadn’t been there, I probably would have made friends with Draco. When he introduced himself, Ron laughed. I don’t know why the name ‘Draco’ is funny, it’s a cool name, and it means ‘dragon’ in Latin. Draco got mad, insulted Ron’s family, and then told me ‘Some wizarding families are better than others. You don’t want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.’ I told him that I could figure out the wrong sort for myself, and I was going to tell him that we could still be friends, and that I knew Ron was not the sort of friend I wanted, but he was somehow insulted by what I said, and threatened me. Then Ron’s rat, Scabbers, attacked him and his two cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, and they left, screaming.** _

_A rat attacked them? That’s hilarious. Afraid of a rat._ _I’m pretty sure Crabbe and Goyle are descended from Rectus Goyle and Wilford Crabbe. They were both idiots._

_**It probably runs in the family, Crabbe and Goyle didn’t say anything and grunted a couple of times!** _

_**Nothing really happened after that. We got to Hogwarts without anyone else coming into our compartment, anyway.** _

_What did the Sorting Hat say to you?_

_**It said I would do well in Slytherin. After all I’d heard about Slytherins and Draco being annoying, I decided I didn’t want to be in Slytherin, just to stay away from him. I would have been fine with any other House, as long as they were quiet, kind, and polite.** _

_That would be Hufflepuff or Slytherin._

_**Yeah, I figured that out after I was sorted into the rudest and loudest House. I tried to make it clear to Ron that I didn’t want to be his friend, but he either didn’t listen or didn’t understand.** _

_I’m seriously hating Ron now._

_**Crap! I gotta go, Ron’s asking why I’m so quiet! I’ll write later.** _

_Bye, Harry._


	3. Chapter 3

Tom Riddle paced inside the diary.

His expression was unreadable, but inside was a whirlwind of feelings: anger, concern, alarm, fear, and confusion.

His new friend -- the only one he'd had since being trapped in the diary -- had lost his parents and been dumped with Muggles because of him. Muggles that treated him like a house-elf!

Well, not entirely because of Tom. It had been because of his older self.

But that amounted to the same thing! Voldemort had killed Harry's parents and tried to kill him! Because of that -- because Harry was Voldemort's enemy (Tom was sure that was the only reason his older self would kill Harry's parents and try to kill a baby) -- because of that, Dumbledore was trying to manipulate the poor child into doing his bidding! If Harry discovered the connection between Tom and his parents' murderer-!

He took a breath and closed his eyes. Harry would never find that out, because Tom would never tell him. He liked his new friend and he didn't want to lose him.

Carefully, he reached out with his magic. The diary was still connected to his older self -- but, like Harry had said, Voldemort was only a spirit. He seemed to be possessing a snake. So unlike the other times Tom had reached out to his maker, Voldemort didn't notice the connection. Which was good; Tom wasn't sure he wanted to be loyal to a child-murderer.

He slipped back to the little room -- cell -- in his diary. Tom rubbed his forehead in frustration and worry. What was he going to do now? He had technically made friends with his enemy!

He shook himself. For now, he would continue as he had been: learning more about Harry and how Dumbledore was controlling the child. He would help him, guide him, and support him, until he knew who he would side with: Voldemort, or Harry Potter. He only wondered how long that would be....

\----------------------

"Harry! Harry, wake up!"

Harry flinched at his "friend's" shout. "Goway, We- Ron."

"Breakfast's in ten minutes! We gotta eat!"

"Ron, you're being a bit loud," came Seamus' voice.

Harry felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and knew it wasn't Ron.

"Harry," Neville whispered, "he's not going to shut up until you get up. The shower's free."

Knowing Neville was right, Harry sighed and got up, ignoring Weasley's grin of relief.

Half an hour later, he joined Weasley and Granger at the breakfast table. Weasley was pale, and Granger had her usual haughty expression, this time tempered with disapproval. Harry also noticed that several people were sniggering, including Malfoy.

"What happened?" Harry asked Neville, ignoring Weasley and Granger.

"Ron got a Howler," Neville responded softly. "A Howler is a letter that's been enchanted to shout its contents at the reader," he explained at Harry's confused look. "Usually, it's written in anger. Mrs. Weasley was just scolding Ron for flying the car to school and putting you in danger."

Harry put a little bit of eggs on his plate, scowling. "Serves Weasley right," he whispered.

Neville gave him a concerned smile and broke his toast in half, putting one of the halves on Harry's plate. When Harry frowned, Neville said quietly, "You need to eat a little more each day, Harry, you need nourishment. I won't make you eat more at lunch," he bargained.

Harry sighed. "Fine. Thanks, Nev." He nibbled at his toast.

"Herbology's in ten minutes, you should probably hurry," Neville warned.

"'Kay."

"Harry," Granger said in a loud, disapproving tone -- Harry flinched -- "I hope you realize that what you did was wrong."

"I fail to see how it was," Harry said in a quiet, calm tone that was barely hiding his rage. "It was not my idea to take a flying car to Hogwarts. And it's legal to use magic in the wizarding world if it's in self-defense. I sent a letter, anyway, and either Dumbledore ignored it or the letter never arrived -- and since Hedwig has never failed me yet, it's the former."

"Professor Dumbledore," Granger corrected angrily. "And you could have stopped Ronald from taking the car-"

"Oy!" Ron shouted.

Harry flinched before glaring at Granger. "It's impossible to stop Ron unless with magic, and I don't know the spells for that. He literally shoved me in the car."

"I did not!"

"Maybe you're stronger than you think you are, Ronald, but from my perspective, it was definitely shoving," Harry hissed. "And I'm not speaking to either of you."

"Why?" Granger demanded haughtily, while Ron looked indignant. "I did nothing."

"No, you accused me of something I didn't do and refused to think otherwise," Harry snapped. "And you, Ronald Weasley -- you forced me to do something I didn't want to do, and got me in trouble over it. And you refuse to stop shouting, when I've told you many, many times that my ears are sensitive, and loud noises make them hurt. Goodbye, and good riddance." He turned to Neville as his ex-friends looked outraged. "Let's go to class, Nev."

"As long as you eat on the way," Neville said quietly, casting Granger and Weasley a dark look.

Harry sighed and grabbed his toast. "Fine, let's go."

He didn't notice as he got up the loud whispers that were spreading down the table, and the looks of shock the other Gryffindors kept casting the broken trio.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hi, Tom, sorry I didn't write last night. Snape kept Weasley and I up late._ **

_Snape...?_

_**Oh, right. Severus Snape is the Potions professor. He's a horrible teacher and he hates me.** _

_I'm still not sure how anyone can hate you. You're very intelligent and quiet._

_**Well, Snape seems to think I'm arrogant, rude, and attention-seeking.** _

_Why?! You're the opposite of that!_

_**Tell that to Snape.** _

_Why'd he keep you up?_

_**He was the one who caught us when we got to Hogwarts. After we crashed the car into a tree that hits back, of course.** _

_Oh my goodness! Are you alright, Harry?_

_**I'm fine. I've gotten worse. Weasley's fine too, he just broke his wand.** _

_Why do you keep calling him Weasley? I thought he was your friend._

_**Some friend he's been! I am currently not speaking to him.** _

_Why? What did he do?_

_**A lot of things! Do you know how hard I tried to persuade him that we shouldn't take the car?! The idiot can't drive, at all, and we could have just waited for his parents to take us to the school! And he had the nerve to say it was my fault that we got caught!** _

_...I seriously hate him._

_**Yes! And we got punished! We are twelve-year-old children who got in way over our heads! I sent a letter to Dumbledore explaining what happened, that we tried to solve the problem based on the knowledge we had, and he told us we were lucky not to be expelled! McGonagall gave us a week of detentions and I have to serve mine with that idiot Lockhart!** _

_Who is Lockhart?_

_**DADA Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award, and a colossal idiot. He set a cage-full of Cornish Pixies loose on a second-year Gryffindor/Slytherin class.** _

_I don't know whether to laugh at that or demand that he be fired. Are you alright?_

_**You've been asking that a lot. Yeah, I'm fine. Weasley got bit on the ear, though. Serves him right --he hit one of the fairies.** _

_Pixies._

_**Is there a difference?** _

_Yes. Pixies are generally smaller, lighter, and quicker._

_**...Tom....** _

_Yes, Harry?_

_**Would you teach me Defense instead?** _

_Absolutely. Why don't I teach you about pixies and fairies, since that seems to be what Lockhart was TRYING to teach you?_

_**Hah! That sounds great.** _

_Let's get started, then. Take out your notes._

_⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯_

_**That was way better than Lockhart's class. Thanks, Tom.** _

_It was my pleasure, Harry. You're a good student._

_**You're a great teacher. Could you help me with Potions, too?** _

_Of course! I love Potions. When do you have it next?_

_**...Wednesday afternoon. That doesn't give me time to finish my summer homework.** _

_Let me help you, then._


	5. Chapter 5

Tom? What's a Mudblood?

_It's another word for 'Muggleborn.' It means 'dirty blood,' and it's incredibly offensive. It's rather like calling a homosexual person a faggot. Where did you hear it?_

Draco Malfoy. He called Granger a Mudblood.

_'Granger?' What did she do?_

Oh, lots of things. She burned my essay on pixies and fairies, she's still blaming me for the whole 'flying Anglia' thing, and she's infuriated that I think Lockhart isn't the smartest person in the universe.

_I'd say Lockhart is the second-dumbest._

Who's the first?

_Ronald Weasley._

Thanks, I needed that laugh.

_Why did Draco call Granger a Mudblood?_

It's a long story.

_I have time._

Yeah, I bet you do.

Well anyway, it starts with Quidditch practice -- I'm the Seeker on the Gryffindor team -- and we had to wake up really early, because our Captain is annoyingly competitive, especially when it comes to the Slytherin team. We'd only been doing it for a few minutes, though, when Flint -- the Slytherin Quidditch captain -- came over with the Slytherin team and shiny new brooms. Our Captain, Wood, demanded why they were on the pitch. It was funny; he kept screaming "I booked it! I booked the pitch!"

And Flint told us he had a special note from Snape saying they needed to train their new Seeker. Three guesses who it was, and the first two don't count.

_Draco Malfoy._

Right in one. He's a decent flyer, though. But I couldn't _say_ that, because I'm the 'Gryffindor Golden Boy.'

 _How many titles do you_ have?

Too many. Anyway, the reason Draco was on the team was not just because he's a good flyer, but because Lucius Malfoy had bought the entire team _Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones._ Most of the Gryffindor team fly on _Cleansweep Fives._ Then Weasley and Granger came over, demanding why I wasn't playing -- they still think they're my friends.

_Next time, hex them._

I don't know any.

 _What? But first years learn several hexes! Here: Use_ Balbuttio, _the Babbling Hex, on Granger (she'll spew nonsense) and_ Ulcus, _the Boiling Hex, at Weasley (he'll be covered in burns)._

Thanks, will do.

When the situation had been explained to the idiots -- by Flint, because I ignored them -- and Draco said, "Good, aren't they? But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them." I would have laughed, but Fred and George, the Beaters, are like my older brothers, and they have the _original_ Cleansweeps, their family is so poor.

Then Granger said, "At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to _buy_ their way in. _They_ got in on pure talent."

Which insinuated that Draco was talentless, and that some of the other Slytherins had bought their way in. It's _Slytherin,_ though, that's what they do, so she insulted their _House_ as well. _And_ she insulted Draco's father, who seems very close to his son. I'm surprised Draco didn't challenge her to an honor duel.

_She probably deserved that slur._

I think she did, certainly. So that's when Draco said, "No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood."

_It's true, no one asked her opinion. I can see why she's in Gryffindor._

I'd be insulted by that, but I'm a secret Slytherin.

_So you're insulted that I practically called you a Gryffindor._

Not really... there are a few Gryffindors that I like. But Neville told me he was supposed to be in Hufflepuff, and Fred and George are also secret snakes.

_Really?_

What's funny is, Fred and George are Weasleys, and every single Weasley has been in Gryffindor for centuries, according to Ronald.

_Are they the only Weasleys you like?_

Well, I haven't met Bill and Charlie, the oldest two. But I certainly don't like Ginevra, Ronald, or Percy. Ginevra seems to be under the impression that she's going to be the future "Mrs. Potter," Ronald is loud, annoying, and rude, and Percy is practically Granger, but with the authority to take points away and assign detentions.

_Ugh. They sound horrible._

Oh! I didn't even tell you the best part! Weasley (Ron) tried to curse Draco because he called Granger a Mudblood, but his wand was broken by the Whomping Willow, and the curse backfired!

_What curse did he use?_

I have no idea! Apparently, it was supposed to make Draco "eat slugs."

_Oh, that one. No wonder it didn't work. That curse is difficult to cast even with proper wand -- and a proper brain._

I needed that laugh.

_You're welcome. What happened after that?_

Well, Granger dragged Weasley to Hagrid's, and I persuaded Wood to challenge the Slytherins to a mock game. Really, it was just so both teams could get their practice in, and so I could see Draco's strategy.

_I can definitely see how you're a secret Slytherin. Who won?_

Us, only barely; but that's because Draco, though talented and has a better broom than mine, isn't as talented as me.

_Was he annoyed?_

At first, but then I said, "Good game, Malfoy. And I think the brooms were a clever idea." He looked shocked for a bit, but he didn't say anything.

_That's rude._

Actually, it's an improvement. Usually he'd sneer and insult me. He was probably shocked into silence. And the reason he'd insult me is because Weasley would rile him up.

_So it's Weasley's fault that Draco's not your friend?_

Technically. That, and I'm a supposed Gryffindor.

That reminds me. Is there a way to get resorted?

_Yes, but you'd have to talk to your head of House and the headmaster. You could demand to be resorted, but only Heirs have that right, and you'd have to be the Heir of Gryffindor or Slytherin to do that. The Heirs can also demand that other students be resorted._

Well, I have no idea if I'm descended from either one. Do you know?

_Well, I know who the Heir of Slytherin is._

Who?

_Me._

Cool. But you can't really demand that I be resorted.

_No._

Is there a way to find out if I'm descended from one of the four founders?

_You could take a blood test. But you'd need special parchment from Gringotts. It's pretty expensive._

I'm a Potter. My parents were loaded.

_True. I suggest writing a letter to Gringotts._

Dumbledore might stop it.

_I'm sure you can find a way to get it to Gringotts without it being read._

I could probably bribe Draco to do it.

_Good idea. Now, goblins have special greetings, so here's what you should write...._


	6. Chapter 6

Harry found Draco heading down to the dungeons. He smirked and snuck over to the blond.

Draco hadn't spoken to Harry since Wood had challenged Flint to a game. He _had_ stared at him a lot, though, as if trying to figure out why Harry had changed. He hadn't sneered or glared, either, just looked thoughtful.

Quickly, Harry gently shoved Draco into a nearby classroom and shut the door, casting a few anti-eavesdropping spells that Tom had taught him. Then he turned to face Draco, who had his wand out.

"Hello, Draco," Harry said calmly.

"Potter," Draco responded cautiously. "What do you want?"

"A favor."

Draco's expression became shrewd. "And what makes you think I'm going to give _you_ a favor, Potter?"

Harry smiled maliciously, and Draco looked startled. "Because I'm going to give you a favor in return. What do you think of me helping you give Slytherin the House Cup this year?"

"And how are you going to do that, Potter?" Draco demanded, eyes glittering. He put his wand away, so Harry knew he was hooked.

"The Demon twins are going to help, a lot," Harry replied. Draco looked stunned. "I have a few other allies that will help with this, but I'm not going going to tell you until the end of the year. Now, about my favor... I need you to send a letter to Gringotts for me, as well as a few other things."

"Why can't you do it?" Draco asked.

"Because I can't risk Dumbledore reading it," Harry said flatly. "He reads my mail before I send it off, so I can't write anything that will make him suspicious."

"Why would _this_ letter make him suspicious?"

"I'm going to ask the goblins for a blood test, so I can see if I'm descended from either Gryffindor or Slytherin," Harry responded. "Fred, George, and I want to be resorted-" Draco's jaw dropped "-and I'd rather not have to get permission from Dumbledore or McGonagall, because they won't give it."

Draco was silent for a moment, still looking stunned. Then he shook himself and asked, "What are the other things I have to do for you?"

"Bring me the answer when Granger and Ronald Weasley aren't around," Harry answered, "and, if they agree to send me a blood test, give me that secretly as well."

"Why do you want to be resorted?" Draco frowned.

"Because Gryffindor is too loud and incredibly rude," Harry said dryly, "and, as it is, I don't feel it's my true House." He didn't tell Draco that he _knew_ it wasn't his true House.

"I'll do it," Draco said finally. "I assume you want to send the letter now?"

"Yes, I want to get out of Gryffindor as soon as possible," Harry sneered. He pulled the letter out of his robes and handed it to Draco. "I've asked the goblins to send the response, and, hopefully, the blood test papers, to you. You will probably get a reply tomorrow. I'll be in this classroom after lunch."

Draco nodded, glancing over the letter. "Where'd you learn the proper goblin greetings?" he asked with surprise.

"That, Draco, is my business," Harry said coolly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

\----------------

"Ah, here's the scalawag!" Lockhart said cheerfully, beaming down at Harry. "Come in, Harry, come in-"

"Professor," Harry said softly, not entering, "I didn't give you permission to call me by my first name. If you would kindly call me Mr. Potter, I would appreciate it."

Lockhart frowned slightly at the hint of acid in Harry's tone, but then he hitched a smile back onto his face. "Ah, but Harry, as one celebrity to another-"

"If you continue to call me Harry, then it gives me the right to ignore you, Professor," Harry interrupted coldly, and Lockhart paled slightly.

"Y-yes, all right, Mr. Potter," Lockhart said nervously. He shook himself. "Well, let's begin your detention, shall we?"

Harry rolled his eyes and entered the office. After sneering inwardly at the multiple beaming portraits of the hated Defense professor, he sat down regally in the chair across from Lockhart's.

The annoying man had regained his smile and was saying, "You can address the envelopes! This first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her -- huge fan of mine-"

Harry stopped himself from glaring at the professor as he carefully wrote down the woman's address. Did the man _have_ to mention that he was famous in every sentence? He couldn't tell if Lockhart was trying to kiss up to him or if he was trying to assert himself _over_ him -- either one would make the idiot even more important.

Several hours passed in excruciating boredom. Harry was forced to listen to Lockhart babble on about his fans and tell him useless, annoying sayings like "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry" (like he didn't _know_ that already) and "Celebrity is as a celebrity does, remember that." At some point, he tuned out the man's irritating chatter and focused on the envelopes.

And then he heard something that wasn't Lockhart -- a cold, chilling voice filled with venom.

_Come... come to me.... Let me rip you.... Let me tear you.... Let me kill you...._

Harry stared down at the letter addressed to Veronica Smethley, not really seeing the words. What on earth had that voice belonged to? Clearly, it wasn't human -- the voice had a slightly hissy sound to it, and Harry was sure he'd never heard another human speak like that.

He glanced up at Lockhart, who now chatting about a werewolf he'd turned back into a human. He hadn't reacted to the voice, which meant that only Harry could hear it. That was very, very bad.

"Professor," Harry said quietly, and Lockhart jumped. "What time is it?" He wanted to get back to Tom and ask him about the voice.

Lockhart looked at the clock and blinked. "It's nearly midnight! I suppose I should escort you back to your common room, then, so you don't get in trouble for being out past curfew, Ha -- Mr. Potter."

"I appreciate it, Professor," Harry said sweetly, and for some reason, Lockhart blanched.

He smirked inwardly as the two walked up to Gryffindor tower. His smugness was replaced by curiosity and wariness; whatever the voice belonged to was dangerous. He needed to talk to Tom.


	7. Chapter 7

Tom, the oddest thing happened in detention tonight....

_What?_

Near the end of it, I heard a voice in the walls... a cold, acidic, kind of hissy voice. Lockhart didn't react at all -- I could hear it over his annoying prattle about his fame, so he should have heard it, too. Do you know what kind of creature could speak like that?

_...I have no idea. There is a possibility that someone cursed you, but Lockhart would have at least been affected. I suggest looking at the creature section in the library._

Will do. Oh, and I got Draco to send the letter to Gringotts.

_Really? How?_

I offered to help Slytherin win the House Cup.

_I'm not surprised he agreed to help you. And since you're going to have the Hat sort you into Slytherin..._

...I'm really helping my _own_ House win the Cup. I'll probably have the blood test papers tomorrow after lunch. Thanks for your help, by the way.

_It was my pleasure._

_Do tell me when you get information on what the voice was._

Of course. I'm kind of exhausted, it's a bit late. I'll write you tomorrow?

_Of course. Goodnight, Harry._

Goodnight, Tom.


	8. Chapter 8

Draco entered the classroom silently and shut the door, smirking. "I have the blood test parchment," he told Harry, setting it down on the desk in front of him. "And the goblins want you to go to Gringotts as soon as possible after school ends, apparently they've been trying to reach you but something's been happening to the letters."

"Dumbledore," Harry said with a sigh. He pulled the paper closer to him. "I'm not exactly sure what to do."

"Put three drops of blood on the parchment," Draco instructed, sitting down across from him. "You don't mind if I stay, Potter?"

"We'll see," Harry mused, retrieving his potions dagger from his bag. He pricked his finger and carefully squeezed three drops onto the parchment.

Slowly, words began to form.

_Blood Test for H.J.P.:_

_Name: Harry James Potter_

_Father: James Fleamont Potter_

_Mother: Lily Potter Née Evans_

_Godfathers: Sirius Lupin-Black (falsely accused, imprisoned) and Remus Lupin-Black (in hiding)_

_Godmothers: Andromeda Tonks Née Black and Alice Longbottom Née Fawley_

_Heir to:_

_Potter (paternal)_

_Evans (maternal)_

_Black (godfather/godmother/paternal)_

_Lupin (godfather)_

_Peverell (paternal)_

_Gryffindor (paternal)_

_Slytherin (conquest)_

_Ravenclaw (maternal)_

_Hufflepuff (maternal, adoption)_

_Hogwarts (paternal/maternal/conquest/adoption)_

_Lord to:_

_Potter_

_Evans_

_Peverell (third brother)_

_Gryffindor_

_Ravenclaw_

_Hufflepuff_

_Slytherin (conquest)_

_Hogwarts_

_CAUTION: BLOOD GLAMOR DETECTED_

_CAUTION: COMPULSIONS, BLOCKS, CONTROLLING POTIONS DETECTED_

_CAUTION: HORCRUX DETECTED_

_CAUTION: LOVE POTION DETECTED_

Harry gaped down at the parchment, stunned into silence. After a while, Draco asked, "What's up, Potter?"

Silently, Harry pushed the parchment over to him, slightly dazed. He wasn't sure what to think....

Draco let out a loud sputtering noise a few moments later, and Harry looked up, confused. The blond stared at him in shock, before quickly collapsing to the floor and yelping, "My lord, I'm sorry-"

"Draco, _what_ did you call me?" Harry demanded, appalled and confused. "And get up."

"You're the Heir _and_ Lord of Hogwarts, my lord!" Draco stammered, staggering to his feet but keeping his head bowed. "You could do anything -- you could eject everyone from the school, hire new teachers, hire a new _headmaster,_ fire the school _governors_ -"

"Repeat that," Harry said slowly, a dark smile on his lips.

"You could fire the school governors, my lord," Draco said, frowning.

"No, the one before that."

"You could hire a new headma-" Draco cut himself off, his eyes widening. "You could get rid of Dumbledore..."

"Yes," Harry grinned. He paused as a thought occurred to him, and he scowled."Unfortunately I can't. If I do fire him, he'll be out of my sight, and as they say, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' Draco, how many people will insist on calling me 'my lord' when they discover that I'm the Lord and Heir of Hogwarts?"

"Most of the students -- most of the Gryffindors, a lot of the Ravenclaws, and some of the Hufflepuffs won't like it -- and almost all the teachers, my lord," Draco responded nervously.

Harry took back the blood test and bit his lip thoughtfully. After a pause, he said, "I think you've earned the right to call me Harry, Draco. No need for this 'my lord' business."

"Yes, Harry," Draco replied at once. "Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Hmm. Not yet," Harry mused. "I do need to talk to my Demon twins, though... and my other helper... wait!" He snapped his fingers. "Fetch Snape for me."

Draco bowed in response and left quickly. When he'd gone, Harry reached into his sack and pulled out his mirror. "Fred and George Weasley," he stated clearly.

The red-headed twins appeared after a moment, looking eager.

"Yes-" said Fred, and George finished, "-little brother?"

"I have some news," Harry told them. "Bring Neville down to the unused classroom near the stairs to the dungeons, would you? Make sure Granger and your siblings don't notice."

"Granger and Ronnykins are-" began George.

"-in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom-" Fred continued.

"-complaining about-" said George.

"-your continued silence," finished Fred.

"Percy doesn't care unless you're breaking the rules-" George scowled.

"-and Ginevra is missing, probably talking to the bearded one," Fred sneered.

Harry frowned. "That's a problem. Try to see if you can find out what they talked about... and hurry, would you?"

"Of course-"

"-Harrykins-"

"-see you-"

"-in a moment!" The mirror went dark, leaving Harry chuckling quietly about his honorary brothers' antics.

There was a knock on the door.

"Draco?" Harry asked.

"Yes, it's me, Harry," Draco responded. "I've brought Professor Snape."

"Enter."

The door slammed open and an angry Snape stormed in, glaring at Harry. "Explain why you had the need to interrupt my grading with trivial nonsense, Potter?" he snarled.

Behind him, Draco looked livid. Harry raised a hand to calm him and said coolly, "This isn't trivial nonsense, Professor." He handed Snape the blood test. "Unless you think the business of the Lord and Heir of Hogwarts is trivial nonsense?"

Snape frowned, looking more curious than angry. He scanned Harry's blood test and slowly lost the color in his face. After he finished, he pulled out his wand and flicked it. The paper glowed green.

"This is your true blood test," Snape breathed. "You are the Heir and Lord of Hogwarts..." He looked up at Harry and grimaced.

"Why do you hate me, Professor?" Harry asked lazily, making Snape blanch and Draco smirk. "Why do you hate a twelve-year-old child who has done nothing to make you upset? I doubt it's because you hate children in general, because you obviously hate me more than everyone else."

Snape gritted his teeth. "Your father-"

"Ah, my father, I should have guessed," Harry sneered. "James Potter, the previous Golden Boy, the leader of the Marauders."

"How do you-?" Snape began.

"Peeves," Harry interrupted. "Tell me, Professor, have I ever humiliated you? Insulted you? Hurt you?"

"No," Snape muttered.

"Draco, do I strut around the castle? Bully younger children for fun? Treat Slytherins like scum?"

"No," Draco said automatically. Snape scowled.

"So you see, Professor, you have no reason to hate me," Harry said in a dangerously calm tone. "You may return to your... _grading._ But if you treat me differently because I am James Potter's son again, you will no longer have a job."

"Understood, Mr. Potter," Snape said flatly. "Draco-"

"I need him for a bit longer," Harry said sweetly. "Now leave."

Snape made a muffled growling noise before he swept out of the room.

A few moments later, he heard the twins' signature knock:

Fred: _knock, knock-knock, knock, knock_

George: _knock! knock!_

Harry chuckled at Draco's bewildered look and said, "Enter."

The twins came into the room, followed by Neville and a grinning poltergeist. Harry raised an eyebrow at Fred.

"We ran into our ally on the way here-" Fred began.

"-and we assumed you'd want to see him too-" George grinned.

"-so we brought him along with us," Fred finished.

"The golden snake calls and Peeves answers!" Peeves cackled.

"Thank you, Peeves," Harry said in amusement, and the poltergeist silenced.

"What's the 'news' you were talking about, Harry?" Neville asked, glancing at Draco curiously.

"This." Harry handed Fred the blood test. "I suggest you all read it at the same time."

Harry's four friends gathered around the paper, reading silently. When they finished, the three Gryffindors looked astounded. Peeves instantly swept the bowler hat off his head and bowed.

"My lord," he said dramatically, making Harry snort.

The twins looked at each other and nodded. Then they went down on one knee and pulled out their wands.

"I, Fred Fabian Weasley-"

"I, George Gideon Weasley-"

"-pledge our souls and magic to our chosen lord, Harry James Potter, to follow his commands, whatever they may be, even until death. So mote it be."

Their wands glowed, and Harry sighed, then said, "So mote it be."

The twins hissed in unison as a black lightning bolt appeared on the backs of their hands. The two stared at the marks in delight.

"I hope you know I'd rather you be my brothers instead of my followers," Harry said irritably.

"Of course, my lord," Fred grinned.

"But we were always yours, my lord," George reminded him.

"We just thought we'd make it more official," Fred shrugged.

"Stand. You will call me Harry," Harry ordered. "You are my brothers first, followers second." He glanced at Neville, who was blinking away his shock. "Nev, are you all right?"

"Um." Neville shook himself. "I guess?" He paused. "I can pledge my friendship and loyalty, but I don't think my grandmother would be very happy if I made the same promise as the twins."

"Vow!" the twins chorused indignantly.

"Vow," Neville corrected himself amusedly.

"Your friendship and loyalty are all I want, Neville," Harry smiled. "Especially after Granger and Ronald's idiocy."

Draco cleared his throat. Harry glanced over at him, and the blond began to kneel. Harry sighed again.

"I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, pledge my soul and magic to my chosen lord, Harry James Potter, to follow his commands, whatever they may be, even until death. So mote it be."

"So mote it be," Harry sighed, and Draco hissed in pain. The same lightning bolt symbol appeared on Draco's neck.

"Can Peevesy pledge his loyalty to his lord?" Peeves asked eagerly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I suppose."

"I, Peeves the Poltergeist..."


	9. Chapter 9

Tom, I completed the blood test... but it revealed a lot more than I thought it would... and I have a few questions....

_Why don't you show me the blood test and I'll answer those questions._

How do I "show" you the blood test?

_Place it on the diary and chant "Ostende"._

....

Tom?

_Give me a moment._

To process or read?

_Process..._

....

Don't you _dare_ call me 'my lord.' I've had enough of that from my honorary brothers and Peeves.

_That would be a bit odd._

_Wait, you got_ Peeves _to follow you??_

Yes. He calls me the 'golden snake.'

_That suits you._

I suppose I do have a little bit of Gryffindor in me... but I'm mostly Slytherin.

_That reminds me. What are you going to do about your re-sorting? I don't think you want Dumbledore to find out you're the heir._

Before I get a re-sort, I want to know exactly what blocks, compultions, and controlling potions there are, and get them removed. May I ask my questions now?

_Yes, ask away._

First -- what the Merlin is a Horcrux?

_...I can't tell you that, Harry. My maker has forbidden it._

You mean, your sixty-six-year-old self?

_Yes._

Why?

_...I can't tell you that either. I'm sorry._

How would I go about finding that information?

 _I'm fairly sure Dumbledore has hidden all the books about Horcruxes. I suggest you order them by owl. The Dark Library in Knockturn Alley probably has what you need:_ The Darkest Art.

That sounds ominus.

My second question is: how do I find out the blocks, compultions, and controlling potions, and how do I get them off me?

_Gringotts. The goblins have special parchment that tells you that information and a ritual to cleanse it from you._

So... during the Christmas or summer holidays?

_Christmas holidays. Depending on how strong/powerful your magic is and how much blocks/compulsions/controlling potions are there, the more time you take to get rid of them... you could die._

I'll ask Draco's father to take me to Gringotts during the winter holidays, then.

My last question is about how I became Lord and Heir of _Slytherin._ You're the Heir of Slytherin -- or more probably your older self. Since when did I defeat your older self?

_...I can't tell you that, Harry._

Can you tell me how I can find that information out? I've never defeated anyone except...

....

_Harry? Are you there?_

_Harry?_


	10. Chapter 10

Harry was the epitome of a pureblooded wizard as he strode across the marble floor, focusing on one goblin. Behind him was a nervous but excited Draco Malfoy and an astounded Lucius Malfoy.

The goblin looked up when Harry approached and said in a nasally tone, "What can I do for you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I am escorting Mr. Potter," Lucius said stiffly. The goblin's eyes narrowed.

"And what can I do for Mr. Potter?"

"Greetings, sir goblin," Harry said in a silky but warning tone. The goblin raised an eyebrow at him. "I have been informed that Gringotts has been attempting to contact me, but have failed. I also have other business to discuss."

The goblin grinned, showing off his pointy teeth. Draco shuddered behind Harry. "Ah, yes. I return your greetings, sir wizard. I will take you to Swordbreaker, your accounts manager. What is your other business?"

"I need a ritual to remove some... unwanted magic inhibiting mine, sir goblin," Harry said vaguely.

The goblin gave him a faintly alarmed look and lowered his voice. "Blocks and compulsions?"

"And controlling potions, sir goblin," Harry agreed.

Instantly, the goblin leapt off of the stool and went over to another goblin, who was standing in the corner keeping an eye on all the customers. After a few minutes of alarmed whispering, the goblin in the corner turned and shouted, "Stormeye!"

After a pause, a smaller goblin ⎯ and a female ⎯ appeared behind them, looking worried. "Yes?"

"Follow me and Stormeye, sir wizard," the goblin who had been helping Harry called to him.

Harry glanced at Draco and Lucius and said, "Wait for me here." Then he walked over to the three goblins.

He was led into one of the back doors, where there was another tunnel, but this one had several doors: double and single, painted several different colors. They passed several doors before the goblin helping Harry stopped, turned, and knocked on a jet black door.

"Enter," said a deep, sharp voice. The goblin opened the door, revealing a desk and yet another goblin.

"Ah, Mr. Potter," the goblin in the office said briskly. "Stormeye."

"Greetings, sir goblin," Harry replied as he walked inside. "I was told you were attempting to contact me, but the letters were intercepted?"

"Greetings, sir wizard," the goblin replied, eyes glittering. "Please sit. Why was Healer Stormeye summoned?"

Harry glanced at the goblin at the door as Stormeye came in and sat down beside Harry. The teller goblin nodded and shut the door.

Once he was sure no one would listen in, he turned back to his account manager. "I have recently discovered that my magic is being inhibited by compulsions, blocks, and controlling potions, as well as a Horcrux and a love potion." He wrinkled his nose.

The goblin ⎯ Swordbreaker ⎯ paled dramatically. "We should remove those at once," he said quickly, pulling a piece of parchment from his desk. "Three drops of blood, sir wizard."

"You may address me as Harry," Harry said absentmindedly as he pulled out his potions dagger and pricked his finger. He squeezed the required amount of blood onto the paper and waited.

Soon, words began to appear:

_Magic Aura of H.J.P.:_

_Level: 4000 (80% blocked)_

_Creature: Unknown (50% blocked)_

_Mate: Unknown (100% blocked)_

_Animagusi (Dragon, Welsh Green)(Snake, Anaconda) (100% blocked)_

_Parselmaege (100% blocked)_

_Necromancer (100% blocked)_

_Compulsions:_

_Arrogance (60% broken)_

_Recklessness (80% broken)_

_Bravery (60% broken)_

_Fight Tom Marvolo Riddle AKA Voldemort (30% broken)_

_Insult Slytherins (90% broken)_

_Insult Snape (80% broken)_

_Potions:_

_Armortentia (80% broken)_

_Object of Affection: Ginevra Weasley_

_Keyed to: Molly Weasley Née Prewett/Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: August 10, 1992_

_Reapplied: September 10, 1992_

_Odium Elixer (30% broken)_

_Object of Hatred: Tom Marvolo Riddle, AKA Voldemort_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Odium Elixer (80% broken)_

_Object of Hatred: Slytherins_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Odium Elixer (80% broken)_

_Object of Hatred: Severus Tobias Snape_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Fiducia Elixer (90% broken)_

_Object of Trust: Hermione Jean Granger_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Fiducia Elixer (90% broken)_

_Object of Trust: Ronald Bilius Weasley_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore/Molly Weasley Née Prewett_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; August 10, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Fiducia Elixer (100% broken)_

_Object of Trust: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Fiducia Elixer (70% broken)_

_Object of Trust: Molly Weasley Née Prewett_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore/Molly Weasley Née Prewett_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; August 10, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Diffidam Elixer (30% broken)_

_Object of Distrust: Tom Marvolo Riddle, AKA Voldemort_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Diffidam Elixer (70% broken)_

_Object of Distrust: Severus Tobias Snape_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Diffidam Elixer (80% broken)_

_Object of Distrust: Slytherins_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Compliance Draught (90% broken)_

_Object of Compliance: Vernon Dursley and Petunia Dursley Née Evans_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Compliance Draught (90% broken)_

_Object of Compliance: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Draught of Fear (100% broken)_

_Object of Fear: Vernon Dursley and Dudley Dursley_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Applied: September 1, 1991_

_Reapplied: October 1, 1991; November 1, 1991; December 1, 1991; January 1, 1992; February 1, 1992; March 1,_ _1992; April 1, 1992; May 1, 1992; June, 1992; September 1, 1992_

_Other:_

_Horcrux (90% blocked)_

_Blocked by: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore (burn when Voldemort is near; burn when Voldemort is_ _angry) (80% broken)_

_Keyed to: Tom Marvolo Riddle, AKA Voldemort_

_Date Created: October 31, 1981_

_Blood Glamour_

_Keyed to: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Glamour: Spitting image of James Potter except for eyes, which are Lily's_

_True Appearance: Spitting image of Lily Potter, except for hair color, which is James Potter's_

_Blood Protection (weak) (80% blocked)_

_Keyed to: Lily Potter Née Evans_

_Blocked by: Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore_

"Get these removed," Harry snarled. "Now."

Swordbreaker, who had looked shocked up until that moment, nodded and said, "Stormeye will take you to the cleansing room."

\---------------

Tom gripped his hair, trying to block the tears. Clearly, Harry had discovered that he was Voldemort. It explained why he hadn't heard from Harry since he'd told him about his blood test.

What was he going to do?

He cared very much about Harry. It hurt that Harry no longer trusted him, although he didn't blame him. Tom would have done anything for Harry, if the boy would let him. But now that Harry hated him...

His breath caught in his throat and he curled into a ball, sobbing.

\---------------

Harry groaned and opened his eyes. "That was excruciating," he remarked hoarsely.

Stormeye laughed and handed him a glass of water. Harry took it with a nod.

Once he'd drunk enough, Stormeye asked, "Would you like to see what you look like now, sir wizard?"

"Yes, thank you, Healer Stormeye," Harry responded, handing the empty glass back. Stormeye conjured a full-length mirror, and Harry staggered to his feet.

Harry looked... a lot more feminine. He was taller, curvy, and that, combined with his long, curly black hair ⎯ well, he looked like a girl. His eyes were wider and more noticeable, especially without his glasses.

Harry blinked. Without his... he didn't need glasses to see!

"Excellent," he said quietly. "What about the Horcrux and my mother's blood protection?"

"Very few rituals will remove the Horcrux," Stormeye responded, handing him his glasses. Harry put them into his robes. "And no rituals will remove the protection. It will continue to protect you from malicious magic until you no longer live with her sister." Sensing Harry's next question, she added, "It could not protect you completely from Dumbledore's magic because it was weak from the Horcrux."

"You removed Dumbledore's block on it?" Harry questioned, rubbing his scar.

"I did."

"Can I communicate with Voldemort through the Horcrux?" Harry asked. When she nodded, he closed his eyes and concentrated. _Tom?_

Instantly, Voldemort replied, rather angrily. _WHO IS THIS? AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY MUGGLE NAME?_

 _This is your accidental Horcrux, Harry Potter,_ Harry replied dryly.

There was silence for a long time. Then fury exploded through the connection.

_I AM GOING TO DESTROY THAT OLD FOOL!!!!!!!_

Harry blinked. _What did Dumbledore do this time?_

Voldemort growled before answering, _It is his fault you are a Horcrux, Potter._

Raising an eyebrow, Harry said amusedly, _That does not really answer my question, Tom._

 _Stop calling me Tom,_ Voldemort snapped. _It's a long story, Potter,_ he added in a slightly calmer tone.

 _Let me speak to my accounts manager first, and I'll get back to you,_ Harry said.

 _I have all the time in the_ world _, Potter,_ Voldemort returned sarcastically.

Harry laughed and opened his eyes. Stormeye was watching him patiently.

"Ready to return to Swordbreaker?" she asked.

"Yes." Harry followed her back to the office.

Swordbreaker sat up expectantly when Harry entered, and his eyes widened when he took in Harry's new look.

"Have you finished gawking, Swordbreaker?" Harry asked amusedly, sitting down across from him.

The goblin shook himself. "Yes, Harry, sorry. You are dismissed, Stormeye."

Stormeye bowed, smiled at Harry, and left.

"You had something you wanted to discuss with me?" Harry asked when she'd gone.

"Yes, Harry," Swordbreaker agreed. "Someone has been using your accounts without your permission, and your parents' will was illegally closed. Would you like to have a will reading?"

"Yes," Harry growled. "And I want to see who has been using my accounts."

"Yes, of course," Swordbreaker replied, taking another paper out of his desk. "Tap your wand on this parchment."

Harry pulled out his holly wand and frowned. The connection was weaker. He shrugged and tapped his wand on the paper.

Again, words appeared.

_Account information for H.J.P.:_

_Potter (Heir) Vault_

_\--July 31, 1991: 50 Galleons, 19 Sickles, 11 Knuts (Harry James Potter)_

_\--_ _August 15, 1992: 50 Galleons, 20 Sickles, 10 Knuts (Harry James Potter)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 1980: +1000 Galleons (Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: August 15, 1992_

_Potter (Lord) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _Annually on December 1 since 1981: 1000 Galleons transferred to Dumbledore (Lord) Account (Albus Percival_ _Wolfric Brian Dumbledore)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 1960: +2000 Galleons (Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Evans Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _Annually on December 1 since 1981: 500 Galleons transferred to Weasley (Lord) Account (Molly Weasley Née_ _Prewett)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 1971: +1000 Galleons (Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Peverell, I (Lord) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _Annually on December 1 since 1981: 500 Galleons transferred to Moody Account (Albus Percival Wolfric Brian_ _Dumbledore)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 800 C.E..: +300,000,000 Galleons (Accountant Rockcrusher, deceased; Accountant_ _Wilderhair, deceased; Accountant Quickfire, deceased; Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Peverell, I (Heir) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _Annually on December 1 since 1981: 500 Galleons transferred to Tonks (Heir) Account (Albus Percival Wolfric_ _Brian Dumbledore)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 800 C.E.: +100,000,000 Galleons (Accountant Rockcrusher,_ _deceased; Accountant_ _Wilderhair, deceased; Accountant Quickfire, deceased; Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Gryffindor (Lord/Heir) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _December 1, 1981: block H.J.P. from withdrawing/adding to account, ordered by Albus Percival Wolfric Brian_ _Dumbledore_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 880 C.E.: +1,000,000,000 Galleons (last known goblin: Accountant Brightwielder;_ _Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Ravenclaw (Lord/Heir) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _December 1, 1981: block H.J.P. from withdrawing/adding to account, ordered by Albus Percival Wolfric Brian_ _Dumbledore_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 880 C.E.: +1,000,000,000 Galleons (last known goblin: Accountant Brightwielder;_ _Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Hufflepuff (Lord/Heir) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _December 1, 1981: block H.J.P. from withdrawing/adding to account, ordered by Albus Percival Wolfric Brian_ _Dumbledore_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 880 C.E.: +1,000,000,000 Galleons (last known goblin: Accountant Brightwielder;_ _Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

_Slytherin (Lord/Heir) Vault (!Illegal Action!)_

_\--_ _December 1, 1981: block H.J.P. from withdrawing/adding to account, ordered by Albus Percival Wolfric Brian_ _Dumbledore_

_\--_ _Annually on August 10 since 1942: 50 Galleons (Tom Marvolo Riddle, previous Lord/Heir)_

_\--_ _Annually on January 1 since 880 C.E.: +1,000,000,000 Galleons (last known goblin: Accountant Brightwielder;_ _Accountant Swordbreaker)_

_\--_ _Last Action: January 1, 1992_

"I want all of my money back, _with_ interest," Harry snarled. Swordbreaker's eyes glittered as he nodded. "And I want the will reading to be in ten minutes."

"So soon?"

"Yes, so soon, it should have been read years ago," Harry replied stiffly.

"Well, of course, Harry," Swordbreaker smirked. It was no secret the goblins hated Dumbledore, and this would set the old fool's plans back for _years._


	11. Chapter 11

**(Caution: Awesome Parent Alert)**

"Well, now that we are all present-" Accountant Swordbreaker looked around at Albus Dumbledore, an unfamiliar man, Mrs. Weasley, Severus Snape, and Harry "-we can begin."

"We are missing a person," Harry interrupted, frowning.

"Sirius Lupin-Black is not allowed to be present, Harry," Swordbreaker replied, ignoring Dumbledore's surprised, then angry look. "Innocent though he is, the Ministry will not give permission for him to be present."

"What?" the unfamiliar man rasped, looking shocked. "Sirius is innocent?"

"The Minister won't let him come?" Harry asked icily. "Well, I'll deal with that later. Read the wills, Swordbreaker."

"Of course, Harry," Swordbreaker smirked. "I will begin with Mr. Potter's will." He cleared his throat and unrolled the scroll partially.

"The Last Will and Testament of James Fleamont Potter. I, James Fleamont Potter, having a sound and totally sane mind-" the unfamiliar man choked, looking grieved and amused, and Snape snorted "-well, maybe not that sane-" the unfamiliar man choked again "-but you get the point ⎯ write my will.

"In the event that my wife and I die, our son, Harry James Potter, will be given to Remus Lupin-Black and Sirius Lupin-Black. If the Ministry are buttheads-" the unfamiliar man choked for the third time "-and think Siri was the Secret Keeper and not let old Moony keep my son, then he will be given to Severus Snape."

Snape's jaw dropped, and Harry raised an eyebrow.

"If Snivellous refuses to take care of my son, he will be given to Andromeda Black. Under NO circumstances will he be given to Petunia Dursley!

"Those who will benefit from my death will be Harry James Potter, Remus Lupin-Black, Sirius Lupin-Black, Severus Snape, and Andromeda Black. Nothing will go to Dumbledore, so help me Merlin!

"All of my properties, vaults, and most of my money will go to my son, Harry James Potter.

"To Remus John Lupin-Black, I give 500,000,000 Galleons. Buy a wardrobe and raise my Harry right."

The unfamiliar man's eyes went wide with shock.

"To Sirius Orion Lupin-Black, I give 500,000,000 Galleons and the memory of Lily and I changing the Secret-Keeper to Peter Pettigrew, in case things go wrong ⎯ and with the Potter luck, something will go wrong. I also give Sirius the Potter Manor, so you don't have to raise Harry in your horrid childhood home.

"To Severus Snape, I give 3,000,000 Galleons and my potions things. I also give my heartfelt apologies. I was a complete idiot in school, a jealous one.

"To Andromeda Black, I give 4,000,000 Galleons. You can have it regardless if you have to raise my son or not.

"To Peter Pettigrew: if you don't betray us to dearest Voldikins-"

Swordbreaker was interrupted by the unfamiliar man bursting into loud, hysterical laughter and collapsing out of his chair. Harry chuckled, rolling his eyes. Mrs. Weasley looked disgusted, and Dumbledore was scowling. Snape's eyes had gone extremely wide.

"Mr. Lupin-Black, are you _quite_ well?" Swordbreaker asked dryly, when the unfamiliar man calmed down a bit.

"Y-yes," Lupin-Black gasped, climbing back into his chair. "Sorry about that."

"That's quite all right," Swordbreaker smirked. He went back to the will.

"If you don't betray us to dearest Voldikins, you will be given 2,000,000 Galleons and one of the Potter cottages. If you do, I hope you die, you piece of crap. We trusted you!

"To Dumbledore ⎯ freak you, you get nothing, especially guardianship over my son and my money. I don't trust you one bit and neither does Lily. She won't be giving you anything either.

"To Molly Weasley I give my solemn promise that I will _not_ be making a marriage contract between Harry and Genevra Weasley. My son can marry whoever the crap he wants. He can even marry a boy."

Mrs. Weasley let out a loud shriek of anger, making Harry flinch and cringe away from her. "Harry belongs to my daughter!"

"I belong to no one, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said in such a cold, venomous tone that she and Snape both turned white and cowered. Lupin-Black instantly bared his neck, whimpering. Dumbledore's eyes went wide.

"Silence," Swordbreaker ordered Mrs. Weasley coldly.

"Any other of my belongings that I have not mentioned will be given to my son, Harry James Potter. Under no circumstances will they be given to anyone else.

"Thus ends the Will and Testament of James Potter."

Swordbreaker turned to Lupin-Black. "Would you like me to give you guardianship of Harry James Potter?"

The man blinked and glanced at Harry.

"I have already given my permission, Mr. Lupin-Black," Harry said dismissively. Dumbledore scowled.

"You can call me Remus, Moony or Uncle Moony," Lupin-Black replied with a small smile. "Yes, I'd like that, Swordbreaker. But Sirius-"

"I will send the Minister Mr. Potter's memory," Swordbreaker promised. He turned to Harry. "Shall I read your mother's will now, Harry?"

Dumbledore finally spoke. "I did not give permission for you to read either will, Swordbreaker."

"You do not have the authority to hide their wills, old man," Swordbreaker sneered at him. "Harry does." He turned back to him.

"You may," Harry smirked.

Swordbreaker grinned and pulled out another scroll of paper. "Goldmaker, bring in the last guest."

The door opened, and, to Harry's surprise, a shaking, pale Petunia Dursley entered. She paled slightly when she saw Harry, then turned stark white when she saw Remus, who was glaring at her with icy disgust and confusion.

Swordbreaker cleared his throat, and everyone turned back to him.

"The Last Will and Testament of Lily Potter Née Evans. I, Lily Potter Née Evans, being sound of mind, record my will and testament.

"In the event that my husband and I die, my son, my darling Harry James Potter, will be given to Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black. In the event that Sirius be arrested, James has provided a memory of Peter becoming Secret-Keeper. However, if Dumbledore decides to close our wills, keeping Harry from Sirius and Remus, he will be given to my old friend, Severus. If Severus refuses to raise the son of James Potter, I remind him that he is also _my_ son, and if he hurts my child, I will haunt him from the afterlife.

"Those who will benefit from my death will be my darling son, Harry James Potter, Severus Snape, Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black, Andromeda Black, and Petunia Dursley.

"To my son, Harry James Potter, I give my vaults, house, and all of my belongings that I do not give to my friends and sister. I also give my love, which will protect him all his life. I also warn him not to trust Albus Dumbledore.

"To Severus Snape, I offer my forgiveness. I know you never meant to call me that, and the only reason you did not receive my forgiveness earlier was because I was under Dumbledore's compulsions."

Snape, who had been crying silently before those last few words, now leaped out of his seat, snarling, and turned to Dumbledore. "You did what!" he bellowed. Remus was glaring at the old man, too, which made Dumbledore turn pale.

"Professor, sit down," Harry told him idly, his heart full of warm affection for his mother. "You can shout at the headmaster after the will."

Slowly, Snape sat down, still growling. Remus gave Harry a curious look.

"Continue," Harry told Swordbreaker.

"I also give Severus Snape my potions journals-" Snape's eyes went wide with shock "-and other potions items, if he agrees to share them with my son. I also suggest you check yourself for compulsions.

"To Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black, I give 3,000 Galleons to raise my baby." Harry turned faintly pink, and Remus chuckled. "I also give my love and give the same suggestion I gave Severus: check yourselves for blocks and compulsions.

"To Andromeda Black, I give 3,000 Galleons and my collection of pens. (No, you don't have to give them back to Harry, Andi.)

"To Petunia Dursley Née Evans, I give a warning. If Dumbledore gives you custody of my child and you harm my little Harry, you will suffer just as much or more than you did to him. This includes whatever you allow to happen to him by other people."

Petunia turned stark white.

"And Molly Weasley ⎯ leave my child alone, or you will receive the same consequence as my sister.

"To Albus Dumbledore I leave my wrath. How dare you harm magical children! I hope Lady Magic makes you regret your actions! And I feel sorry for Grindelwald.

"This concludes my Will and Testament."

Dumbledore's expression was a combination of terrified and furious. But he said nothing, probably because Remus and Snape were glaring at him.

"Mr. Lupin-Black, Professor Snape, would you like to check for compulsions?" Swordbreaker smirked.

"Yes," Snape said icily, casting Dumbledore a look full of rage.

"Your account managers are waiting outside," Swordbreaker informed them.

"You knew we were under blocks and compulsions?" Remus asked curiously, standing.

"No, but Harry did," Swordbreaker replied. "He was under several blocks, compulsions, and controlling potions, including a love potion, and he assumed anyone connected to him would have blocks and compulsions as well."

By the time the goblin finished speaking, Remus' eyes had turned golden and he was being held back by Snape, who also looked furious. Mrs. Weasley and Dumbledore looked angry as well, but for different reasons.

"Can I go home now?" Petunia squeaked.

"Yes, dearest Aunt," Harry sneered. "I will see you on June 23." He gave her a malicious smirk, and she turned paler. "Goodbye."

She couldn't leave the room fast enough.


	12. Chapter 12

Harry had been wondering what to do about Tom. Ever since he'd discovered that the sixteen-year-old was actually Voldemort's younger self, he'd been torn between hating and distrusting him or trusting him. He knew most of his hatred for and distrust of Voldemort was because of Dumbledore's manipulations, but he didn't know how much of his hate and distrust was actually needed.

He paused in the action of pulling out Tom's diary and slapped his forehead.

"What's up, Harry?" Neville asked curiously, looking up from his Herbology book.

"Nothing, Neville, I was just being stupid," Harry responded with a snort. "I'll need quiet for a moment, Nev."

"Yes, Harry." Neville turned back to his book.

Harry closed his eyes and thought, _Tom, it's Harry again._

Voldemort replied, _Don't call me Tom! And that took you long enough._

_I had to listen to my parents' wills, and I had a lot of controlling potions, compulsions and blocks. Is Marvolo acceptable?_

There was a long pause. Then Voldemort replied, _I suppose._

 _Question,_ Harry said. _Did you kill my parents, or is that another one of Dumbledore's lies?_

 _I did NOT kill your parents!_ Voldemort said angrily.

 _Calm down, Marvolo. Tell me what actually happened,_ Harry soothed.

Voldemort growled wordlessly before sighing and speaking.

_A week before the Halloween of 1981, one of my followers overheard a prophecy concerning you. He only heard the first few lines: 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies....' There were only two couples that dared defy me thrice: Frank and Alice Longbottom and your parents. The prophecy could have applied to either of you._

_I was going to study both you and the Longbottom heir, secretly, before deciding what to do about it. Unfortunately, Dumbledore had other plans._

_When I arrived at your house, invisibly, I found Dumbledore speaking to your father. Potter looked angry, and he kept saying 'You will not touch our son!' Dumbledore replied, 'I'm sorry, but the only way to defeat Voldemort is to turn your son into a weapon. If you won't help me do it, then I no longer need you.' And he killed him._

Harry snarled in wordless fury.

_I haven't finished yet, brat._

_I didn't want Dumbledore controlling the boy who could supposedly defeat me, so I went up the stairs to stop him from taking you._

_You were going to kidnap me,_ Harry asked dryly, still furious that Dumbledore had killed his father.

 _Yes,_ Voldemort replied, unapologetically. _When I arrived, your mother was casting a Blood Protection on you, crying. Before I could take you away, Dumbledore appeared and began threatening your mother. She refused to let him near you, and he told her the same thing he told your father: 'If you won't let me make your son a weapon, then I don't need you any longer.'_

_I was going to stop him ⎯ I respected your mother, and my most trusted servant considered her a sister, asking me to spare her several times ⎯ but before I could, she was dead. She collapsed in front of your crib, and Dumbledore pointed his wand at you._

Harry was fuming at this point, but he stayed silent while Voldemort finished.

_I revealed myself before he could cast a single spell, and he said, 'Ah, Tom. You're too late. He is mine.'_

_'I am not letting you harm a magical child, even if he is destined to be my downfall!' I responded, and fired a killing curse at him. I thought it would hit him, but he moved out of the way at the last moment._

_It hit me,_ Harry guessed.

_Yes, but it bounced off of your mother's Blood Protection and went back to me. The only reason I didn't die was because I created Horcruxes._

_That reminds me. What exactly_ is _a Horcrux?_ Harry asked.

 _A Horcrux is an object that contains a piece of soul, rendering the maker nearly immortal,_ Voldemort responded. _He can still be killed, if one destroys the Horcrux. Or in my case, Horcruxes._

 _How many did you make?_ Harry asked dryly.

_I don't think that's any of your business, brat._

_I am one of your Horcruxes, and I want to gather them so we can bring you back,_ Harry drawled. _I want the one inside me out, but I don't think you want your soul-piece to be destroyed._

Voldemort was silent for a moment. _What do you mean, you want to bring me back, brat? I'm your enemy._

 _We are enemies because Dumbledore wishes it,_ Harry pointed out. _I, for one, do not want to follow Dumbledore's wishes. Do you?_

 _Of course not, brat,_ Voldemort snapped.

 _And it would be rather intelligent that you have 'the one with the power to vanquish' you on your side,_ Harry added.

... _I suppose,_ Voldemort grumbled.

 _So, I need the location and number of your Horcruxes, so I can return all of the soul-pieces but your strongest one to you,_ Harry finished.

 _Fine,_ Voldemort complained. _The one containing my biggest soul-piece is my diary, which Lucius Malfoy has._

Harry blinked. Tom was a Horcrux?

_The others are the Slytherin locket, which resides in a cave by the sea; the Hufflepuff cup, which is currently in Bellatrix Lestrange's vault; the Ravenclaw diadem, which is in the Room of Requirement; the Gaunt Ring, which is in the Gaunt cottage in Little Hangleton; and Nagini, my snake, who I am currently possessing._

After a moment, Harry said, _And the defenses?_

_In the cave there is a lake full of Inferi; Bellatrix's vault is protected by a dragon; the diadem is in the Room of Hidden Things, so it's nearly impossible to find and can't be Summoned; the Gaunt ring has several Dark curses on it that makes anyone but myself die in two months; and Nagini is a huge, venomous snake, and she's being protected by me._

_It may take a few months to gather all your Horcruxes. Do you remember where you put the diadem?_ Harry asked, remembering with irritation that the locket, diadem, and cup belonged to him.

 _Next to the bust of a rather ugly old warlock,_ Voldemort replied. _A few piles away from the door._

 _Piles?_ Harry thought to himself. _Whatever._ He addressed Voldemort again. _Thank you. I will update you when I've found each Horcrux. Side note, I already possess your diary._

 _What-!_ Voldemort shouted, but Harry had already cut the connection. He smirked when he realized that Voldemort would be _extremely_ annoyed when he contacted him again.

He opened his eyes and looked down at the diary thoughtfully. He would, he decided, forgive Tom. But he had a few questions to ask, questions he didn't want anyone to hear except for Tom....

"Neville," Harry said, and instantly his friend looked up. "I want you to keep everyone out of the dormitory for two hours. Can you do that?"

Neville immediately nodded and stood up. "Everyone including the twins, me, and Peeves?" he asked shrewdly.

"Yes," Harry agreed. "Thank you."

His honorary brother smiled and left the room, casting a spell on the door before leaving. Harry recognized it: anyone who wasn't Neville or himself would see fog coming out from under the door, and wouldn't be able to hear anything going on inside.

Harry shook his head, amused, and opened the diary, writing quickly.

_**Tom, is there a way to enter the diary?** _

The reply was almost instant, as if Tom had been waiting for him to talk to him again.

_Go to the first page and wait.._

To his surprise and worry, the words were accompanied by what looked like tear drops.

 _ **Will I be able to come back out?**_ Harry questioned.

_Yes, I'll send you back when you're ready._

Harry frowned, then turned back to the first page.

A small square, revealing a tiny room, appeared in the top corner. Harry leaned the book closer, squinting; and then the little window grew wider and wider, and he was suddenly falling into it.

With a loud yelp, Harry staggered forward, and he felt someone catch him with strong arms. He looked up, and for the first time, he saw Tom Riddle's face.

Tom had long, neat black hair, pale skin, emerald eyes that were darker and more masculine than Harry's, a rather powerful build, and was nearly a foot taller than Harry, who was a foot and a half taller than a twelve-year-old's average height. He was, Harry admitted to himself, rather handsome.

It was then he realized that Tom's eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks tearstained, as if he'd been crying. Harry instantly wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled into his chest. Tom gave a soft, tiny gasp.

"I'm not mad," Harry said quietly, "and I don't hate you."

Tom instantly hugged him back, sobbing quietly. Harry waited until his crying subsided before looking up at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Tom croaked as he tried to wipe the tears off his face.

"I understand why you didn't," Harry said gently. He didn't know why he was being so soft with Tom, when usually, he would have been blunt. Something about Tom made his heart soften.

"And anyway, Voldemort didn't kill my parents," he added in a more savage tone. "Dumbledore did."

Tom froze, looking both angry and horrified. Harry took his silence as an opportunity to look around the room.

It was small, with only a comfortable-looking couch and a desk full of papers. There was an identical black diary on the desk, which Harry assumed was to reply to whatever was written in the larger diary.

After a long pause, Tom said quietly, "You're one of Voldemort's Horcruxes."

"Yes," Harry replied. He smirked. "Your older self is a bit funny. He's snarky and keeps calling me 'Brat.'"

The older boy seemed to be a cross between amused and irritated. "You're not a brat," he muttered.

"Oh, I'm not?" Harry smiled innocently, making Tom give a short, rather hysterical laugh. "I was trying to be, anyway. Which reminds me: I'm going to gather all his Horcruxes and put his soul-pieces back into himself, except you."

Tom looked startled. "Why...?" he trailed off.

"Why am I not returning you to him?" Harry asked. "One, so he's still immortal; he'll probably be furious if he isn't. Two, I like you, and I'm not getting rid of people I like." He ignored Tom's dark blush and continued. "Three, the reason I'm free from Dumbledore is because of you, and I haven't rewarded you yet."

"Rewarded me?" Tom asked in a puzzled tone. "What-"

Harry interrupted him by giving him a tiny peck on the lips. When he stepped back, both of them were blushing very, very hard.

"Can I sit?" Harry asked, ignoring the extreme embarrassment. "I have a lot to tell you."

"Uh..." Tom shook himself. "Y-yes." He sat down on the couch, and Harry collapsed beside him.

"Sorry, I'm rather tired," he admitted when Tom gave him a slightly concerned look. "I had my compulsions, blocks, and controlling potions removed, heard my parents' wills, got adopted, got a new wand because my magic didn't work with the old one, and had a long conversation with Voldemort about what _actually_ happened the night my parents died."

"Lie down while you tell me, then," Tom insisted. "I don't want you to overwork yourself."

Harry smirked inwardly and lay down ⎯ with his head on Tom's lap. He ignored the tiny squeak from Tom and started talking. He fell asleep a bit after telling Tom his mother's will.


	13. Chapter 13

"Harry," Tom said quietly, rubbing the sleeping boy's shoulder. "Harry," he said in a louder tone.

Harry moaned sleepily and muttered, "What time is it?"

"It's been about three hours since you came in here," Tom said softly. "Neville just asked where you were. I'm surprised he knows how to work the diary."

"He must've-" Harry yawned "-seen me come into the diary." He stretched, then blinked. "Why am I sitting on your lap?"

"It was more comfortable for you," Tom blushed. "You looked like you needed the sleep."

Harry looked up at him with a smirk, making Tom blush harder. "Thanks," he purred. Tom let out an undignified squeak. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" Harry asked, without moving from his lap.

"Y-yes," Tom stammered. "If you want to."

"Of course I want to." Harry stood up.

"Harry..." Tom bit his lip. "Why did you kiss me?" he blurted.

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "I told you. It was a reward." His cheeks were a bit pink, too, so Tom knew he'd enjoyed it.

"You know what I mean," Tom mumbled.

"I kissed you because I wanted to," Harry said. He hesitated, an unsure, worried look on his face. "Did... are you okay with that?"

Tom looked up at Harry and bit his lip again. Then he stood up and, before he could lose his nerve, gave Harry a short, quick kiss.

Harry turned red and smiled slightly. "I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered.

He gave Harry a half smile, blushing almost as hard as the younger boy, before he magicked Harry back to the outside world.

\-----------------

Harry was suddenly on his bed again, and Neville, Fred, and George were in the room, looking alarmed.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Neville demanded, as Fred and George began checking him for wounds.

"I'm fine," Harry said dryly, waving the twins away. "What are you worried about?"

"You were stuck in the diary an hour longer than you were supposed to," Neville said anxiously.

"Did Riddle-" began Fred.

"-do something-" George asked.

"-to you?" they finished together, both looking angry and worried.

"All Tom and I did was talk," Harry scolded. _And kiss._ "You should probably meet him," he added. "It's because of him that I'm free from Dumbledore."

The twins relaxed, and Neville looked relieved.

Harry opened the diary again and wrote, **_Is it possible for you to come out of the diary?_**

_Yes, but only briefly. How long do you want me out?_

Harry bit his lip. "How long until dinner?"

"Forty minutes," Fred responded.

"And Nearly-Headless Nick's invited us to his deathday party," Neville added.

"We asked the Bloody Baron-" George grinned.

"-to cut Nick's head completely off-" Fred continued.

"-because he wanted to join the Headless Hunt-" George said.

"-but he wasn't completely headless," Fred finished.

"He was so thankful that he invited the four of us to his party," Neville sighed in amusement.

Harry chuckled at the twins, who grinned mischievously, and turned back to the diary.

**_Can you do ten minutes? I want my honorary brothers to meet you._ **

_Of course Harry, I'd love to meet them, especially the twins._

The diary flipped to the first page on it's own, and then Tom was suddenly sitting next to Harry on the bed. The twins didn't move, but Neville jumped so violently that he was suddenly on the floor.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" Tom asked, looking faintly embarrassed as he helped Neville stand.

"Er, a little," Neville admitted.

"You-"

"-must-"

"-be-"

"-Tom-"

"-Riddle," the twins chorused.

"Pleased-"

"-to-"

"-meet-"

"-Lord-"

"-Harrykins'-"

"-crush," George grinned.

Tom and Harry both turned violent shades of red, causing the twins to burst into quiet sniggers. Neville chuckled, casting Harry an amused, apologetic look.

"I'm going to set Peeves on you after the feast," Harry grumbled, causing the twins to stop laughing. They pretended to look horrified, but he could tell they were trying not to snicker.

"I'm Neville Longbottom," Neville said, biting his lip to hide a smile. He shook Tom's hand as he added, "And these two idiots are Fred and George Weasley. Don't bother trying to figure out who is who." Fred and George smirked.

Tom smiled nervously. "It's great to meet Harry's friends."

Harry relaxed and leaned his head on Tom's shoulder. "Report," he said to the twins. "Without the twin-speak," he added sharply.

Fred and George exchanged mock scowls before speaking.

Ten minutes later, Harry kissed Tom's cheek and told him he could go back into the diary. Tom blushed before disappearing, half because of the kiss and half because of the twins' snickering.

"Let's go to dinner," said Harry, standing, and cutting off the chortles. "We're getting re-sorted tonight," he added.

The twins grinned wickedly, and Neville looked so happy that Harry could easily compare him to Hagrid.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry didn't bother sitting down at the Gryffindor table. He didn't gawk at the floating jack-o-lanterns and bats. He didn't listen to the loud, excited conversations at the four tables. He just marched right up to Dumbledore with Neville beside him and twins behind him, standing like bodyguards.

Dumbledore looked up as he approached, and a mixture of apprehension and anger appeared on his face.

"Headmaster," he said over the noise, "I'd like to say something to the Hall."

A fake grandfatherly look appeared on his face. "I'm sure it can wait until after-"

"Nearly-Headless Nick has invited Fred, George, Neville and I to his deathday party," Harry interrupted smoothly, "and if we wait until after the feast, we'll miss it. I want to do this now."

The headmaster pursed his lips for a moment, then said, "Very well." He stood, causing the Hall to fall mostly silent. "Harry Potter would like to speak to you all," he announced.

Harry rolled his eyes as he turned. 'Say something' and 'speak to' was not the same thing.

"As Lord and Heir of Gryffindor," he said loudly, "I demand that Fred and George Weasley, Neville Longbottom and I be re-sorted."

There was a rumble from the building, and then the Sorting Hat and its stool suddenly appeared in front of the teachers' table. Dumbledore was already scowling.

Whispers and shouts echoed from the students and Harry turned to McGonagall and raised an eyebrow. She was looking stunned.

"Professor McGonagall," he prompted when she didn't move.

She shook herself and stood as a scroll appeared in front of her. "Longbottom, Neville," she said loudly, silencing the whispers.

Neville bit his lip, and Harry cast him an encouraging look. Relaxing, the boy walked over to the Sorting Hat, sat down, and put it on.

There was a long pause, and then the Hat shouted, "Hufflepuff!"

The Hufflepuff table cheered eagerly as Neville put down the Hat and rushed over to their table.

"Potter, Harry." And the Hall went silent again.

Harry stalked over to the Hat, his head held high, making sure to walk like a pureblood. He heard whispers as he sat down and put on the Hat.

"Well, hello again, Harry," said the Hat. "Ready to go to your true House?"

"Definitely, Alistair," Harry replied out loud with a smirk.

"No one's called me by my name since Merlin's time," Alistair said in a happy but shaky voice. "Well, except dear Luna..."

"Lovegood?"

"Yes, her. She'll be very helpful to your plans," Alistair added. "And she'll be a very good friend."

"I'll think about it," Harry mused.

"Good. SLYTHERIN!" the Hat bellowed.

Harry got up to the loudest silence he'd ever heard. Then the Slytherins began yelling, most in glee, but some in anger.

He smiled maliciously at the Hall before stalking over to the Slytherin table and sitting beside Draco, who grinned at him.

"Weasley, Fred," McGonagall said in a faint voice that was barely heard over the Slytherin's shouts.

Fred squared his shoulders and walked over to the Hat.

"Why are you Sorting him again?" Ron Weasley demanded loudly. "He's a Weasley! We all get sorted into-"

"SLYTHERIN!" the Hat shouted, interrupting Ron Weasley's rant.

"WHAT!" Ginevra, Ronald, and Percy shouted at the same time, over the cheers and cackles from Slytherin House.

"You are no longer a Weasley!" Percy bellowed at Fred, who sneered, putting the Hat gently back onto the stool.

"Mr. Weasley!" McGonagall said furiously. "Fifty points from Gryffindor! He is your brother, regardless of what House he is in!"

"We weren't supposed to be Gryffindors, Perfect Percy," Fred said coldly. "Georgey and I only went to Gryffindor because we didn't have anyone else. Now that we have Harry, we can be our true selves."

"Weasley, George," McGonagall growled, making Percy sit down again.

George walked over to the Hat and put it on.

"SLYTHERIN!" the Hat bellowed after two seconds. George put down the Sorting Hat, which disappeared along with its stool. The twins joined the Slytherin table, which was looking delighted they'd snagged the Demon Twins.

"You may return to the feast," Dumbledore said tightly, looking as if he was eating a particularly sour lemon drop. Harry, Draco, and the twins smirked at each other.

"So you guys are true snakes?" Blaise Zabini asked with a snicker.

"Definitely," said Fred.

"Snape looks _ecstatic,_ " George snickered, pointing at the staff table. Snape looked both horrified and delighted.

"Well, he's probably annoyed that the Demon twins are in his House," Draco pointed out, grinning at the twins, "but delighted that Harry's a snake, too. He's gotten closer to Harry since this morning. What happened, anyway?"

"Later," Harry told him.

\------------------

"My dear friends," Sir Nicolas said grimly, ignoring Neville's shivering and the twins' mock solemn look, "so pleased you could come...." And he swept off his head and hat, bowing.

"Thank you for the invitation," Harry replied politely, nodding. He, Neville, Fred, and George walked past the ghost into the dungeon.

There was an orchestra that was only playing the musical saw; a ballroom floor, where several ghosts were waltzing; a chandelier with midnight-blue candles; and a table full of rotten food.

Harry was about to suggest they go speak to the Bloody Baron when they heard a familiar voice.

"Careful not to walk through anyone."

"What's _Ronald_ doing here?" Neville asked, appalled.

"And Granger," Harry sneered. The two idiots had been trying to become his friends again, but he hadn't seen them since the re-sorting.

"Oh, no," said Granger suddenly, looking alarmed, "Turn back, turn back, I don't want to talk to Moaning Myrtle-"

"How rude," Harry snorted as the two second-years retreated closer to the food table, while Weasley demanded to know who Myrtle was.

"Look, food!"

"Idiots, ghosts wouldn't provide food, they can't eat it," Neville said with a sigh of irritation.

 _Peeves,_ Harry thought, using his Lord of Hogwarts status, _annoy them, would you? I want them to leave._

Instantly, Peeves, who was antagonizing the ghost of an old woman, shot over to the two Gryffindors, cackling. The twins smirked.

A few moments later, the orchestra stopped abruptly, and a hunting horn sounded. Harry smiled darkly, and Neville chuckled softly.

A dozen ghost horses suddenly burst into the room, ridden by twelve ghosts, each wearing bandit clothes one would see in a _Robin Hood_ play. They galloped into the middle of the dance floor and the leader plucked his head off, raising it above the crowd to see better. The crowd laughed.

"Nick!" the head grinned. "How are you! Finally lost your head, I see!"

The crowd laughed. Harry saw the Baron rolling his eyes.

"How did you do that, by that way?" the ghost asked, putting his head back on his shoulders and walking over.

"A student asked the Baron to cut my head off with his axe," Nick said excitedly. "Welcome, Patrick."

"Live 'uns!" Sir Patrick exclaimed when he saw Harry, Neville, Fred, and George, giving a huge fake jump, so his head fell off. The crowd laughed again, and the twins exchanged grins.

Nick chuckled. "Very amusing. The two over there-" he gestured to Granger and Weasley, who were glaring at Peeves "-are Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, and these four-" he nodded to Harry and his friends, "-are Fred and George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Harry Potter."

Sir Patrick's head blinked, gaping. Then he shook himself. "Pleasure to meet you," he said reverently to Harry, Neville, and the twins. "Haven't met live 'uns... almost never!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Sir Delaney-Podmore," Harry said politely. "Sir Nick, it's getting a bit late for the 'live ones', do you mind terribly if we leave early?"

"Oh no, Lord Gryffindor!" Nick exclaimed quickly. "Of course, I'm sorry, I should have realized it was getting late, did you have a good time?"

"Oh yes," Harry smirked. "Peeves, come."

The poltergeist instantly swooped over from where he was tormenting Moaning Myrtle and swept off his hat in a salute. "Yes my lord!" he said eagerly. Granger and Weasley stared at them.

"Thank you _ever_ so much for inviting us to your deathday party, Sir Nick," Harry said smoothly. "Farewell, Nick, Sir Delaney-Podmore." He led his four friends out of the dungeon.

When they were gone, the twins cackled. "If we become ghosts-" Fred began.

"-we're going to be as funny as Podmore," George grinned.

"You two are more likely to become poltergeists," Neville chuckled. Peeves cackled in agreement.

Harry stopped and held up a hand for silence, frowning.

_Rip... tear... kill..._

"It's that voice again!" Harry hissed, and the other four exchanged alarmed looks.

_...soo hungry... for so long..._

"It's going up," Harry whispered. He paused. "Peeves, go up the stairs, I want to know what's going on."

"What are the rest of us going to do, my lord?" Fred asked as the poltergeist zoomed up the stairs.

"Wait," Harry responded. "Peeves will tell us what happened in the morning. We'll escort you to the Hufflepuff entrance, Nev." He didn't want any of his friends to be alone with a monster on the loose....

When he and the twins got back to the Slytherin common room, it was in a commotion. They were a mixture of excited, stunned, and confused.

Harry gave a sharp, piercing whistle, and everyone silenced. "What's going on?" he asked.

Draco hurried up to him. "Your room appeared," he replied, causing most of the Slytherins to gasp and some to look incredulous.

"My what?" Harry frowned. "Aren't I rooming with the other second-years?"

The twins snorted. "Harry, like the Lord of Hogwarts-" Fred began.

"Is unworthy enough to-" George continued.

"-room with the mere rabble," Fred said dramatically.

The Slytherins snickered quietly.

"The Lord and Heir of Hogwarts always has a special room, separate from the other students," Draco informed Harry.

"Why wasn't I given a room last... Dumbledore," Harry growled.

"What are you all talking about?" Blaise demanded. "Potter is the Lord and Heir of Hogwarts? How?"

"As I said, it is a long story, Blaise," Harry said coolly. "I'm exhausted, and I will explain tomorrow. Goodnight, Draco, my Demon twins." He stalked up the stairs, ignoring the stares.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Hey, Tom. A lot happened yesterday after my accidental nap._ **

_What happened?_

**_Well, first, we did the re-sorting, and the twins essentially got disowned on the spot._ **

_Are your brothers all right?_

**_Oh, they're fine. Percy, Ronald, and Ginevra aren't._ **

**_After the re-sorting, we went to Nearly-Headless (well, now Headless) Nick's deathday party ⎯ he's the Gryffindor ghost. Apparently Nick invited Ronald and Granger, too. I may or may not have set Peeves on them...._ **

_I don't blame you. How was the party?_

**_Other than Peeves' intervention and Sir Delaney-Podmore's joking personality, utterly boring._ **

**_It was after the party that was interesting... and worrying..._ **

_What happened?_

**_Have you heard of the Chamber of Secrets?_ **

_Yes, I have! And nobody is supposed to be able to open the Chamber except you and I!_

**_What do you mean?_ **

_You have to be able to speak a certain language to get into the Chamber, and even then, only the Lord and Heir can control the monster inside._

**_Oh. Well then, Dumbledore is messing with me again, because someone other than you, I, or Voldemort opened the Chamber._ **

_What happened? Explain everything!_

**_Are you_ worried _about me, sweetheart?_**

_...stop making me blush._

**_No. I like making you blush._ **

**_Well anyway, this morning, Peeves told me that whoever opened the Chamber Petrified Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's annoying, evil cat, and hung her from a torch. Above that, written in huge, bloodied letters, was:_ The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir, beware.**

_You have got to be kidding me._

**_What?_ **

_That was exactly what Voldemort did in his sixth year, except he had the monster Petrify a student ⎯ the most popular Muggleborn in the school. Dumbledore's trying to frame him._

**_Well, I'd better go tell the monster that it's not allowed to attack anyone._ **

_Absolutely not! He will hurt you!_

**_He?_ **

_Yes, his name is Tenebris, and he's ancient._

**_All right, I'll wait. Oh, I forgot the best part!_ **

_What?_

**_Filch ⎯ the caretaker ⎯ blamed Ronald Weasley for his cat's Petrification! Apparently, he'd given Weasley detention earlier, and he found out that Filch is a Squib!_ **

**_..._ **

**_Tom, are you okay?_ **

**_..._ **

**_Tom?_ **

_Yes, sorry, I was laughing so hard I couldn't write._

**_Yes, I laughed when I heard that, too._ **

**_Tom..._ **

_Yes?_

**_I want to come in and kiss you._ **

_...Curse you... you can come in...._

\------------time skip brought to you by a blushing Tom Riddle------------

"Miss ⎯ er-?"

"Granger, sir," said Granger haughtily. "I was wondering if you could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets."

Harry rolled his eyes as everyone became more alert. He knew Granger would do something like this.

"My subject is History of Magic," Binns began, but stopped when Harry raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Potter?"

He ignored the shocked stares⎯ Binns never got anyone's name right, and he certainly never spoke their name with reverence. "I don't know what the title of your subject has to do with anything. According to Hogwarts, a History, the Chamber has been opened three times in the past, and the first time, it was by its creator, Salazar Slytherin. So it is a real place, and is part of history."

Binns blinked as most of the Gryffindors gave him suspicious looks and the Slytherins looked awed. "Yes, I suppose...."

"So," Harry said lazily, "will you answer Granger's question?"

"How do you know that?" Granger hissed at him.

"I read," Harry returned coldly. "Surely you've heard of _reading_ , Granger, given the fact that your face is in a book nearly every minute of every day." The Slytherins snickered, and the Gryffindors looked angry.

Binns cleared his throat. "Very well.... The Chamber of Secrets....

"You all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago ⎯ the precise date is uncertain ⎯ by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. The four school Houses are named after them: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. They built this castle together, far from prying Muggle eyes, for it was an age when magic was feared by common people, and witches and wizards suffered much persecution.

"For a few years, the founders worked in harmony together, seeking out youngsters who showed signs of magic bringing them to the castle to be educated. But then disagreements sprang up between them. A rift began to grow between Slytherin and the others. Slytherin wished to be more _selective_ about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families." He paused. "Most people believed it was because he found students of Muggle parentage untrustworthy, but it was because most Muggleborn students were in danger of their parents. He wished to make them choose between the Muggle world and the Wizarding world, because one could not choose both.

"After a while, there was a serious argument between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and Slytherin left the school.

"Reliable history tells us this much," Binns continued. "But the Chamber of Secrets was just a legend, until a few days ago. The story goes that Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing.

"Slytherin, according to the legend, sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school. The heir alone would be able to unseal the Chamber of Secrets, unleash the horror within, and use it to purge the school of all who were unworthy of magic.

"Of course," Binns added, "it was more likely that he created the Chamber to _protect_ the school. He would never willingly harm a magical child, regardless of their parentage."

"Sir," Granger said, raising her hand again, "what exactly do you mean by the 'horror within' the Chamber?"

Binns smiled thinly. "That is believed to be some sort of monster, which the Heir of Slytherin alone can control."

"What kind of monster?" Ronald demanded.

"Think about it," Harry scoffed. "What kind of 'monster' would Salazar Slytherin use?"

The Gryffindors looked almost constipated trying to think of the answer ⎯ except for Granger, who looked angry, Seamus, who was frowning, and Dean, who looked interested.

"A snake!" Harry exclaimed exasperatedly. "It's obvious!" The other Slytherins snickered quietly.

"May I return to my lesson now, Mr. Potter?" Binns asked in a faintly nervous tone.

Harry waved a hand dismissively and leaned back in his seat.


	16. Chapter 16

"Oy! Potter!"

Harry looked up to see Marcus Flint standing over him, frowning. Draco was hovering behind the hulking sixth year, looking embarrassed and indignant.

"Yes, Marcus?" Harry asked sweetly. Behind him, Neville gave Draco a curious look.

"Malfoy here-" Marcus cast the blond an angry look "-has gotten himself banned from Quidditch for the rest of the year. I need a Seeker. You up for it?"

"Are you asking me because you want to beat Gryffindor," Harry mused, "or because I'm a good Seeker?"

"Both," Marcus said bluntly.

"Good answer," Harry said dryly. Neville chuckled. "I'll do it. Draco, sit," he added. Draco instantly plopped into the chair beside Neville's. "You're dismissed, Marcus."

The large boy bowed slightly before walking off.

The Slytherins, since discovering Harry was the Lord and Heir of Hogwarts, had had mixed reactions. For the most part, they treated him with respect and awe. Some of them were furious that 'The Boy Who Lived' now had control over them. Marcus had been one of the few that treated him with a sort of blunt friendliness, except when he gave a direct order.

"Draco," Harry said lazily, amused, "how did you get banned from the match?"

"I was looking around Myrtle's bathroom," Draco replied. "It's just down the hall from where they found that stupid cat. The Prefect Weasley caught me and told a teacher he'd found me trying to drag a girl into it-" Harry felt a flash of anger "-so I've got a month of detentions with Filch and I'm banned from Quidditch for the rest of the year."

"Did anyone else see you going into the bathroom?" Harry asked.

"The portraits, probably, but-" He broke off when Harry held up a hand and closed his eyes.

 _Sir Redundant,_ Harry thought, contacting one of the portraits in that hallway.

"No, Lady Harry?" came an amused voice. Harry opened his eyes to see Sir Redundant standing in the portrait of Merlin's dog.

"Did you see Draco entering Myrtle's bathroom?" Harry asked.

"I didn't," Sir Redundant replied.

Harry, knowing Sir Redundant had been cursed to tell the opposite of what he meant, said, "Please tell Professor McGonagall that Draco did _not_ try to drag a girl into the bathroom."

"I won't, Lady Harry," Sir Redundant replied with a nod.

"Who the heck was that?" Draco asked, looking both amused and appalled.

"Sir Edric Redundant," Harry said, chuckling. "He was cursed in life to always say the opposite of what he actually means to say, and the curse passed to his portraits. I like him; he's cheerful and very helpful."

Neville laughed. "You should hear his jokes. Since he says the opposite of what he means-" Draco laughed, interrupting him.

"Did you find any clues?" said Harry warmly, and Draco jumped, blushing.

"Yeah, I did, but it didn't make any sense," Draco responded. "I saw a whole bunch of spiders climbing out the window and heading in the direction of the Forbidden Forest."

"Fleeing spiders," Harry mused, closing his book. What snake was the enemy of all spiders? He would ask Tom later.

\------------

On Saturday morning, Harry, Fred, and George went down to the pitch with Adrian Pucey, Miles Bletchley, Marcus, and Theodore Nott. Adrian and Miles were arguing about Quidditch teams; Theo had a book inches from his nose; Marcus was muttering strategy to himself; Fred and George were whispering about ⎯ well, Harry didn't want to know.

"You sure you don't want to borrow Malfoy's broom?" Marcus asked Harry desperately when they arrived at the pitch.

"I am used to this broom," Harry responded calmly, holding up his _Nimbus Two Thousand_. "My broom is still better than the Gryffindor team's brooms."

Marcus huffed, making the twins, Adrian, and Miles snicker. "Fine! Get dressed!"

Fifteen minutes later, Harry was standing beside Miles, the Keeper. Fred and George, who were admiring their new _Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones,_ stood in front of them, followed by the three Chasers, Marcus a little ahead of the other two. He could hear the stands chattering excitedly.

"Ready?" Marcus barked, silencing Adrian and Theo, who had been arguing about Chaser techniques. When everyone nodded, he led the way out onto the pitch to a roar from the crowd.

Madam Hooch and the Gryffindor team were waiting for them. Harry rolled his eyes as Marcus tried to smash Wood's hand. For Merlin's _sake_...

"On my whistle," Madam Hooch barked. "Three... two... one..."

With a short blast, both teams were in the air. Harry and Dean Thomas, Gryffindor's new Seeker rose higher than the rest of them.

"Hey, Harry," Dean called, struggling behind him on his _Shooting Star._ "How's your new House?"

Knowing Dean was being friendly and not trying to distract Harry from the Snitch, Harry replied, "Much better than my old one." He kept his eyes on the skies, not looking at him.

"Well, that's good," Dean said, surprising Harry. "Seamus and I could tell you were miserable."

"You're Not mad I switched Houses?" Harry asked curiously, without stopping his search for the Snitch.

At that moment, the black form of a Bludger shot towards them, and Harry did a barrel roll in midair to avoid it.

"No, Slytherin is cool," Dean responded.

The Bludger came shooting back, and Harry shot away. To his utter annoyance, the ball continued to follow him.

Fred tried to hit the Bludger away from him, towards Wood, but it swerved around and aimed at Harry again. Harry rolled again and sped in the opposite direction.

It began to rain. That, combined with the Bludger that kept trying to attack Harry and Fred and George were now following Harry around incredibly closely, there was no way he could find the Snitch.

"...Slytherin in the lead, sixty points to zero..." Lee was saying.

"What ⎯ the heck's ⎯ wrong ⎯ with this ⎯ Bludger!" George growled, whacking it with all his might.

"We need a time out!" Fred shouted to Marcus, waving his arm and trying to keep the Bludger from smashing Harry out of the air.

Marcus signaled to Madam Hooch, looking a mixture of angry and worried, and the team landed in the mud a moment later.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Someone's fixed the other Bludger," Harry said stiffly. Fred and George were still whacking the black ball away from him, so he knew it had been cursed that way; the Bludgers were supposed to stop attacking the players during a time out.

Marcus' eyes blazed. "How the heck are we going to keep playing with that thing? The twins can't keep following you around, our players will get mauled, and you won't be able to catch the Snitch!"

"Fred, George, bring me that Bludger," Harry ordered. Instantly, Fred slammed the angry Bludger to the ground and the twins dragged the struggling ball over to him.

"Madam Hooch!" Harry yelled.

"Yes, what is it?" she asked, frowning when she saw the Bludger.

"This Bludger has not left me for the entire game," Harry said, gesturing to the struggling ball. "It is also trying to kill me, not just unseat me."

"Well, we can't have that," Madam Hooch said sharply, pulling out her wand. She tapped the Bludger with it, and it stopped struggling so hard. "Ready to resume play?" she asked as the twins released the Bludger. It flew back up into the air.

Harry nodded to Marcus, who said, "Yes, we are."

They all shot back into the air, Harry joining Dean above the game once more.

"You okay?" Dean shouted over the rain and the roars of the crowd.

"Fine," Harry replied loudly, looking for the Snitch once more.

"Training for the ballet, Potter?" one of the new Gryffindor Beaters yelled, whacking a Bludger towards Marcus, who dodged it expertly.

Harry laughed coldly and opened his mouth to retort, before he saw the Snitch. It was hovering right next to the Beater's ear.

WHAM!

Harry, staring at the Snitch, hadn't seen the Bludger heading in his direction. It smashed into his arm, and he heard a loud _crack_. He winced in pain, then shot at the Beater.

He yelped in alarm and shot away, thinking Harry was attacking him, and Harry snatched the tiny ball out of the air with his working hand.

"Slytherin wins!" Lee yelled. "400 to 200!"

"They cheated!" Wood was roaring as they all landed. Harry glared at the Gryffindor captain as he handed Fred his broom and clutched his broken arm.

"Potter, how the heck aren't you screaming in pain?" Marcus asked, looking pale. Harry glanced down.

"Oh lovely, there's bone." Harry looked up again. "Would someone fetch Madam Pomfrey?" As Adrian and Theo fled over to the staff, he turned to Marcus. "To answer your question... let's just say my old Muggle guardians weren't the best."

Marcus, if possible, turned even paler.

"Harry!"

Draco and Neville had joined them, looking horrified, followed by the Gryffindor team and-

Harry groaned. "Not you."

"Doesn't know what he's saying," Lockhart declared, pulling out his wand. "Not to worry, Harry. I'm about to fix your arm."

"I do not give you permission to use magic on me," Harry spat. "Madam Pomfrey is a _proper_ Healer and doesn't have a brain the size of a walnut." Some of the Slytherins laughed, but most were still giving him worried looks.

"Stand back," Lockhart declared, ignoring Harry. He raised his wand.

"Stop-!" Harry began angrily, but the idiot was already casting the spell.

An incredibly unpleasant sensation spread up and down his arm. At first, Harry thought it had worked, because there was no longer bone poking out of his arm, but the hole was still there, and he was bleeding freely. Then he realized that his arm was much limper.

"You idiot," Harry hissed, grabbing a fistful of robes to stop the bleeding. "You removed all of my bones!"

Most of the Gryffindors burst into laughter, not seeing the livid looks from the Slytherins. Dean had turned green.

Lockhart smiled sheepishly. "Ah. Well, that can sometimes happen-" He stopped when he saw the deadly furious looks on the Slytherins' faces.

"LOCKHART!" Pomfrey screamed in fury, and the idiot cowered, going whiter than Marcus. "YOU ARE NOT A LICENSED HEALER! I WILL NOT BE SURPRISED IF THE HEADMASTER FIRES YOU AFTER THIS!"

"Poppy," Dumbledore said calmly, "there are no other applicants-"

"Yes, there are," Harry said coldly. "Sirius Lupin-Black-" he ignored the whispers that sprung up from the name "-will be applying in the morning."

Fred and George exchanged smirks at the Headmaster's furious look.

Pomfrey cast Dumbledore an icy look, making him blanch, and turned to Harry. "Let me stop the bleeding first, Mr. Potter," she said briskly. "Severus, he'll need a Blood Replenisher."


	17. Chapter 17

Is this Tom Riddle?

Yes, who is this?

Draco Malfoy. I have a message from Harry.

Why can't he ask me himself? Is he alright?

He's currently in the hospital wing regrowing the bones in his arm.

Let me guess. Lockhart.

Yes. Can I give you his message?

Shoot.

What?

It's a Muggle phrase ⎯ never mind, just tell me what Harry said.

Okay.... He wants to know a few torturing spells to use on a certain idiotic professor, not just because he removed all the bones in Harry's arm, but because he used magic on Harry without permission. He even loudly told Lockhart not to use magic on him.

...I'd suggest the Cruciatus Curse, but I don't want Harry to be arrested. Instead of torturing spells, though, he could prosecute Lockhart for putting spells on a minor without consent.... A minor who just happens to be the Boy-Who-Lived....

Which would go after Lockhart's pride and joy: his reputation and career. No wonder Harry likes you.

...Aaand you can leave now.

What did I say?

Riddle?

\------------

I'm back, Tom.

How's your arm?

Stinging a bit, but otherwise fine. I'm sure you want to know what happened.

Of course.

I can't go into the diary, I'm in the common room, and I'd rather no one but my friends know about you.

...That's fine....

Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll kiss you later.

Shut up and tell me what happened... SWEETHEART.

I love it when you're sarcastic.

Well, Draco got banned from Quidditch for the rest of the year ⎯ don't ask ⎯ and Flint, the Captain, asked me to take his place as Seeker. During the Gryffindor-Slytherin game, I got hit by a Bludger just before I caught the Snitch. When I landed, my bone was sticking out of my arm, which was clearly broken. I shouted several times at Lockhart not to use magic on me, telling him that Pomfrey was coming over. But Lockhart, barely thinking with his peanut-sized brain, removed the bones in my arm while trying to fix it.

I'm going to kill him!

You are not... can you actually do that?

...Not until I suck most of someone's soul out, because that's the only way I can come out of the diary for longer than ten minutes.

Hmm....

What are you thinking?

I'm not sure... I'll come back to it later.

Anyway, that's not all that happened....

What?

While I was in the infirmary, another person was Petrified, and Dobby came to visit.

What did Dobby do this time? Who was Petrified?

Colin Creevey. He tried to take a picture of Slytherin's creature, but it burnt all of his film. Oh, and Dobby cursed one of the Bludgers to attack me almost the entire game.

HE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!

He wasn't trying to kill me. He just wanted me injured enough to be sent home. He was trying to keep me "safe".

That elf is a lunatic!

nO, ReAlLy I dIdn'T KnOw ThAt!

...You're hilarious, ba- HARRY.

Were you about to call me 'baby?'

No! Definitely not!

...Because I wouldn't be averse to it, honey....

...There is no way I am calling you that where anyone can see.

Well, you can call me that when we're alone in your diary....

Goodbye!

\------------

Tom, can I come into the diary?

Harry waited for a long moment, biting his lip. Finally, a response appeared.

Fine.

The diary flipped to the first page, and Harry was sucked into the room.

Once again, he nearly fell over, and Tom had to catch him. He let go the moment Harry caught his balance.

Harry looked up at his... well, he wasn't sure what to call him. They teased each other and kissed a lot, and he certainly cared about Tom differently than his brothers or his friends. He wasn't sure whether they were ready to call each other 'boyfriends' or not....

Tom's face was closed off. Harry couldn't tell if he was mad at him, embarrassed, or sulky.

"Tom?" Harry asked nervously.

There was a flicker of something on Tom's face, but he said nothing except, "You wanted to talk to me?"

"I want you to talk to me," Harry exclaimed, his voice cracking slightly. "You haven't spoken to me for week ⎯ if it was the teasing, I'm sorry-"

The older boy blinked and quickly dragged Harry into a hug. "I'm not mad," he whispered, "and I don't hate you."

Harry laughed and sobbed at the same time and clung tighter to him.

Several minutes later (there may or may not have been lots of apologetic kissing) Harry and Tom were curled up on the couch, the smaller boy on the older's lap.

"Was there another reason you wanted to come in?" Tom asked quietly, stroking Harry's messy raven locks.

"Mm," Harry mumbled. Then he blinked. "Oh, right. I think Granger and Weasley are up to something."

Tom frowned. "That's not good."

"Yes. Weasley threw a Filibuster Firework into Gregory Goyle's swelling potion during class, and I'm pretty sure I saw Granger slip into Snape's store during the commotion."

"And Weasley's not in trouble?" Tom asked incredulously.

"There wasn't any proof he did it, but who else could it have been?" Harry snorted. "Besides, Dumbledore wouldn't let his little spies get punished," he spat.

Tom kissed the top of his head. "They can't hurt you any more, baby," he whispered, blushing very hard as he said this.

Harry froze for a bit, then pulled away, smirking. "You called me 'baby,'" he grinned.

"Shut up," Tom said, giving him a playful glare.

"Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Harry asked quietly.

A very large, slightly dazed smile appeared on Tom's face. "Y-yes," he agreed.

Harry beamed, then smirked. "Thanks, baby."

"Harry, I swear-"


	18. Chapter 18

"Can everyone see me?" Lockhart called. "Can you all hear me? Excellent!

"Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little dueling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions...."

Harry sneered. "The man is senile."

"Which one?" Fred whispered, smirking.

"Dumbledore-" began George.

"-or Lockhart?" Fred finished.

"Either one."

"...my assistant, Professor Snape," Lockhart beamed. Harry almost cackled at the revolted look on Snape's face at the word 'assistant.' "He tells me he knows a tiny bit about dueling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I don't want any of you youngsters to worry ⎯ you'll still have your Potions Master when I'm through with him, never fear!"

"The idiot should be more worried about himself," Harry snorted. Draco and the twins snickered, and Neville smiled weakly.

Lockhart and Snape turned to each other and bowed ⎯ well, Lockhart did, in an extremely theatrical way, while Snape just jerked his head, causing more snickers from his Slytherins. Then they both raised their wands.

"As you can see," Lockhart said brightly, "we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position. On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."

"I wouldn't bet on that," Draco smirked. Snape was giving Lockhart a look full of loathing.

"One ⎯ two ⎯ three-"

Before Lockhrat could even raise his wand, Snape bellowed, "Expelliarmus!" The Defense professor went flying off the stage. Instantly, all the Slytherins burst into applause. The twins cheered in glee, causing a fond smirk from Snape.

"Do you think he's all right?" Granger squeaked.

"Who cares?" Weasley demanded.

Lockhart staggered to his feet, blinking. "Well, there you have it!" he said dazedly, stumbling back onto the platform. "That was a Disarming Charm ⎯ as you can see, I've lost my wand ⎯ ah, thank you, Miss Brown ⎯ yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don't mind me saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have only been too easy ⎯ however, I felt it would be instructive to let them see-" he balked at Snape's livid look and squeaked, "Enough demonstrating! I'm going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me-"

Harry smirked as Snape reached Granger and Weasley first.

"Time to split up the dream team, I think," Snape purred. "Granger, you can partner Miss Bulstrode. Weasley-"  
Weasley instantly moved towards Dean, who gave him a disgusted look.

"I don't think so," Snape said coldly. "Mr. Potter, come over here. Let's see what you can make of Weasley. Thomas, with Finnigan."

Harry walked over, smiling darkly, followed by Millicent, who only grunted when Granger gave her a weak smile. Weasley blanched when he saw Harry's malicious look.

"Face your partners!" Lockhart called. Harry grinned savagely when Weasley stumbled in doing so. "And bow!"

Harry dipped his head while Weasley just twitched once.

"Wands at the ready!" Lockhart said. "When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponents ⎯ only to disarm them ⎯ we don't want any accidents ⎯ one... two... three-"

"Expelliarmus," Harry said boredly, causing Weasley's wand to fly out of his hand.

Weasley looked outraged. Oh, here we go, Harry thought amusedly, waiting for the idiot to say something anti-Slytherin.

"How did you do that so quickly? You must have cheated! You are a Slytherin," he added darkly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Believe what you like, Weasel. I only cheat to save my own life."

"Liar!" Weasley shouted angrily, and, like his father, forgot he was a wizard, rushing at Harry with fists clenched.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Harry barked, and Weasley's limbs shot together. The red-headed idiot fell over with a loud thump.

"I said disarm only!" Lockhart yelped. Harry glanced around; Millicent had Granger in a headlock, Seamus was coughing smoke while Dean, pale-faced, tried to clear the other boy's lungs, Neville and Finch-Fletchley were on the floor, choking, and Ernie seemed to have sprouted antlers. (That last one had nothing to do with Fred, nothing at all.)

"Finite Incantatem!" Snape yelled. Instantly, the antlers disappeared (Fred and George scowled) Weasley's limbs sprang apart, and Neville, Seamus, and Finch-Fletchley were gasping for breath while Dean looked utterly relieved.

"Millicent, my dear, let go of Granger," Harry said lazily. "We don't want Professor Snape to deal with the paperwork for her suffocation, do we?"

Millicent instantly released Granger, who collapsed on the floor, gasping. Weasley cast Harry a look of loathing and ran over to her.

"I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells," Lockhart mused. He glanced at Snape, blanched at the professor's deadly smirk, and said quickly, "Let's have a volunteer pair ⎯ Longbottom and Finch-Fletchley, how about you-"

"They haven't quite caught their breaths yet, Lockhart," Snape said coldly. "How about Weasley and Mr. Potter?" His smile became twisted, and Harry grinned.

"Excellent idea!" Lockhart said brightly. He gestured for Harry and Weasley to come up onto the stage.

"Which Weasley-" began Fred.

"-are you referring to-" said George.

"-Professor?" Fred finished.

"Your younger brother," Snape said in fond exasperation. The Gryffindors stared at him.

Harry chuckled at his Demon twins and stalked up to the platform, Weasley following. Harry stopped beside Snape while the red-head went over to Lockhart.

"Now, Mr. Weasley," Lockhart said. "When H- Mr. Potter," he added quickly at Harry's cold look, "points his want at you, you do this." He wriggled his wand in an odd manner and dropped his wand. "Whoops ⎯ my wand is a little overexcited-"

Snape leaned down and whispered, "I'm surprised he doesn't lose his head." Harry snickered. "You know what you're going to do?"

"Of course," Harry purred.

"Professor," Weasley said anxiously, "can you show me that blocking thing again?"

"Just do what I did, Mr. Weasley," Lockhart said brightly.

"What, drop my wand?" Weasley demanded, but Lockhart wasn't paying attention.

"Three ⎯ two ⎯ one ⎯ go!"

"Petrificus Crura!" Harry chanted, and Weasley's legs snapped together. He fell over sideways, stopping his fall with his hands.

"You'll pay for that, Potter!" Weasley snarled, raising his wand.

"Serpentsortia!"

Harry heard a whispered spell somewhere behind him. Snape seemed to have heard it, too, because he looked around. The next moment, a huge, jet-black anaconda shot onto the stage, hissing angrily.

"Don't move, Weasley," Snape said, raising his wand, "I'll get rid of it...."

"Allow me!" Lockhart shouted, causing Harry to flinch at the noise. He flicked his wand at the snake, and with a bang, the snake shot into the air and landed with a loud smack. Furious, it began sliding towards Finch-Fletchley.

"Stop!" Harry shouted. He was aware that he sounded slightly hissy, but he ignored this.

The snake halted and turned to Harry, startled. You are a speaker? it asked.

"Speaker of what?" Harry asked. "And how the heck can I understand you?"

You are a Parselmouth, young master, the anaconda replied.

"Come," Harry ordered. "Away from the boy." The snake slithered over to him and curled by his feet. Harry turned to Finch-Fletchey, who was looking horrified, and said, "Are you all right, Finch-Fletchley?"

The boy opened and shut his mouth wordlessly for a moment.

"What do you think you're playing at, Potter?" Weasley yelled.

"Weasley, how many times have I told you my ears are sensitive?" Harry snapped quietly. The snake at his feet hissed angrily, causing Weasley to jump backward. "And do you really think I'd be stupid enough to attack Finch-Fletchley in front of two teachers, however incompetent one of them is?"

Lockhart spluttered indignantly, causing Snape to snort quietly.

"You told the snake to attack Justin!"

"If he had, I would be dead, Weasley," Finch-Fletchley snapped back. "Thanks, Potter," he added. Harry nodded back.

"I assume you want to keep it, Potter?" Snape drawled.

"Hmm." Harry looked down at the snake thoughtfully. "I would, but I doubt the headmaster would agree."

"I will send it home to your caretakers," Snape responded.

"The Muggles?" Weasley asked in confusion.

"No," Harry sneered. "Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black." He crouched down by the snake, ignoring the sudden whispers. "This man-" he gestured to Snape "-is going to take you to my uncles. You might be going through the fireplace, so don't freak out and attack my favorite teacher."

Yes, master, the anaconda responded.

"Your name is Obsidian," Harry decided as he picked up the snake. "Here, Professor."


	19. Chapter 19

"So anyway," Macmillan was saying in annoyance, "I told Justin to hide in our dormitory, but he said nothing doing. I mean to say, if Potter's marked him down as his next victim, it's best if he keeps a low profile for a while ⎯ but he doesn't think Potter's the heir! Of course, Justin's been waiting for this ever since he let slip that he was Muggleborn. That's not the kind of thing you bandy about with Slytherin's heir on the loose, is it?"

"You definitely think it _is_ Potter, then, Ernie?" asked Hannah Abbot.

Neville, who was sitting nearby them, bristled. "Harry would never hurt any Muggleborn," he snapped. "Have you forgotten who his _mother_ is?"

Most of the Hufflepuffs looked sheepish, but Macmillan just snorted. "'Course _you'd_ defend Potter, Longbottom, your one of _his._ Anyway, he's a Parselmouth, and have you ever heard of a decent one who could talk to snakes? They called Slytherin himself Serpent-tongue."

Neville scoffed. "Has Harry ever been mean to any of you?"

"He's a Slytherin," Macmillan said stubbornly.

"So was Merlin!"

Everyone gaped at him. "That's not true," Macmillan sputtered.

"It's in _Hogwarts, a History,_ " Neville sneered.

"Well," Macmillan sputtered, "Potter had some sort of run-in with Filch, and his cat got attacked-"

"Everyone has run-ins with Filch," Neville countered.

"That first year, Creevey, was annoying Potter, and he got attacked," Macmillan argued.

"Harry was _in the hospital wing when that happened!_ " Neville snarled, leaping to his feet.

Harry stepped out from behind the bookshelf he was hiding behind, saying calmly, "Neville, it's fine." He rather enjoyed the Hufflepuff's horrified looks.

Fuming, the boy sat down.

"Hello," Harry said dryly. "Do you know which section is the magical snake section? I can't seem to find it."

"Going to take out the books so no one can read them?" Macmillan accused.

"Now, why would I hide knowledge, Macmillan?" Harry whispered in a soft, cold voice, making all the Hufflepuffs except Neville turn white. He changed the subject. "I hear you've been having doubts about me... care to explain?"

Macmillan swallowed. "The Defense Club ⎯ you set the snake on Justin."

"Tell me, Macmillan," Harry said lazily, "can you speak Parseltongue?"

"No!" Macmillan said indignantly.

"Then can you _really_ tell me what I said?"

The boy was speechless again.

"I am a Slytherin," Harry pointed out. "Do you really think I would do something as Gryffindorish as attack Finch-Fletchley where _everyone_ can see me? No. If I _did_ want to attack Finch-Fletchley, I would do it where no one is around. I don't want to attack Muggleborns, though; I respect them."

"What about Granger? You've treated her rudely," Macmillan pointed out triumphantly. "And I've heard you hate those Muggles you used to live with."

"They treated me worse than Lucius Malfoy treats house-elves," Harry said in a voice so angry and cold that the Hufflepuffs shrank backwards. Even Neville looked pale. "It's not possible to live with the Dursleys and not hate them. I would like to see you try it." He took a deep breath. "Any other stupid questions?"

No one spoke.

"Good." Harry glared at Macmillan and his sympathisers and returned to his search for a book on magical snakes.

He was interrupted by a shriek of alarm. Harry was about to go see what had happened when Peeves came flying into the library, looking pale.

"ATTACK! ATTACK! A DOUBLE ATTACK! NO MORTAL OR GHOST IS SAFE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! ATTAAAAAACK!"

Instantly, the silence of the library was broken by screams and shouts. Madam Pince tried to regain order.

"Peeves," Harry said firmly over the noise, "calm down. What happened?"


	20. Chapter 20

"What do you _mean,_ Dumbledore won't fire Lockhart?" Harry snarled furiously.

He was sitting in his favorite armchair by the fire ⎯ which had a view of the entire common room ⎯ with his friends, Draco, the twins, and Neville, sitting around him. The other Slytherins had gone completely silent at Harry's outburst, while Blaise cowered in front of him, looking both pale and outraged.

"I overheard him telling McGonagall that Lockhart was perfectly suitable for the job, my lord," Blaise responded nervously. "That he was incredibly intelligent and-"

The rest of his explanation was drowned out by shouts of anger and sarcastic laughter.

"He brought a fire salamander to class and almost drowned Harper with his over-powered _Aguamenti_ charm!" cried a first year.

"He set Hestia on fire!" Flora Carrow snarled.

"He's an idiot!" shouted a fifth year.

Harry, who was cringing in his chair, cast the twins a pleading look, and the two instantly shot silent fireworks into the air. The shouts and laughs stopped.

"How are we supposed to learn anything with that lunatic?" Harry growled, relaxing slightly.

Draco coughed once. Harry looked over at him. "Yes, Draco?"

"Have you heard of Rita Skeeter, my lord?" Draco asked. "Harry," he amended at Harry's sharp look.

Murmurs had started up at the name. Several people were frowning. Some of them had obviously caught onto Draco's plan, because their eyes lit up.

"No," Harry responded. "Who is she?"

"She's a very well-known reporter, my ⎯ Harry," Draco corrected himself again. "She has many fans. She's known for having a grain of truth in her articles, while the rest is complete lies that usually destroy a person's reputation."

Harry slowly smiled, and the Slytherins exchanged excited looks. "How does one get ahold of a reporter?"

"You can write the publisher," Marcus suggested. "You're going to have to use words that will hook Skeeter's interest, because otherwise, she won't come."

The door to the common room suddenly burst open, and a familiar man with shaggy black hair erupted into the room, followed by an exasperated Remus Lupin-Black.

"Your favorite godfather is here, pup!" Sirius Lupin-Black crowed.

"I hate to break it to you, Uncle Padfoot," Harry said mock sadly, "but Uncle Moony is my favorite godfather."

Sirius gasped dramatically and clutched his chest, ignoring the sniggers from the Slytherins. "You wound me!" he wailed.

"Shut up, Siri," Remus snorted. "Hey, cub," he said, smiling at Harry when Sirius gave him a mock horrified look. "Sorry to burst in like this. We came for the job interview, but Dumbledore wasn't in his office."

"Unfortunately, we won't be getting a new Defense teacher ⎯ yet," Harry added. "Sit down," he said, gesturing to the empty chairs on either side of him.

"What happened?" Remus frowned as he took a seat on Harry's left. Sirius plopped down on the arm of his husband's chair.

Harry rolled his eyes at his child-like godfather and said, "Dumbledore refuses to fire Lockhart, so I have to take matters into my _own_ hands."

"Why you?" Remus questioned.

"I can't tell you," Harry said after a pause. "Yet."

Sirius pouted.

\------------

"Hello, Miss Skeeter," Harry said sweetly.

The woman smiled back just as sweetly, but Harry could see a greedy look in her eyes. "Hello, Mr. Potter," she simpered. "I was told you had the story of a lifetime for me?"

"Several," Harry replied, "but you're only getting one for now." When Skeeter frowned slightly, he said, "Let's say that this first time is a test. If you pass ⎯ if I approve of what you write ⎯ I will give you the second story. If you don't-" his voice became so cold that Skeeter paled, and behind him, Remus bared his throat, whimpering "-I will be forced to use another reporter. Do you understand, Miss Skeeter?"

"Y-yes," Skeeter stammered.

Harry smiled maliciously. "Excellent. Draco?"

The blond boy handed him a stack of papers and Harry rubbed his nose, glancing down them. "Let's begin with Abbot," he mused. "What do you know about Professor Nautilus Abbot?"

\------------

**DAILY PROPHET**

**_Hogwarts School of Unqualified Staff_ **

_Yes, dear readers: you read the title correctly. Several of the adults hired by the esteemed headmaster have not been up to the standards of Hogwarts. Would you have Hogwarts teach your child if one of their teachers was an absentminded ghost who had been teaching for two centuries? Would you agree to send your child to a school whose medi-witch is so overwhelmed that the monthly checkups of students are abandoned? Would Hogwarts be your school of choice if the headmaster continued to hire Defense professors who did not have the required knowledge to teach?_

_When I first heard of this, my dear readers, I was a little skeptical. Isn't Dumbledore the wizard who defeated the Dark Lord Grindelwald? Who fought against the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Isn't he supposed to be a wise wizard, one you can trust to make good decisions?_

_Unfortunately, my dear readers, the choices he has made regarding Hogwarts staff have caused many to question his wisdom. Perhaps he is getting too old for his post...._

_If you don't believe me, dear readers, you will soon see the truth._

_Let's begin with Cuthbert Binns._

_The History of Magic professor has had this post since 1795. He died on September 12, 1915, but, according to the students, he "didn't realize he was dead" and continued to teach. His classes are so mind-numbing that eight out of ten students every year find it nearly impossible to stay awake ⎯ and he doesn't notice. Very few students stay on after sixth year. As you know, some jobs require History of Magic NEWTS ⎯ but how are children supposed to learn from a ghost who is better at putting them to sleep than teaching them?_

_Still not convinced? Let's look at Professor Sybil Trelawney._

_I'm sure you recognize the last name because of Cassandra Trelawney, celebrated Seer. Professor Trelawney claims to be the great-great-granddaughter of Cassandra, being the only descendant to claim her gift ⎯ but is she truly a Seer or a fraud?_

_Her students tell me that she has never Seen anything, only predicting things anyone could predict. For example, she predicts each year that a student will leave her during Easter ⎯ which, inevitably, someone does, losing their temper with the teacher and asking to take a different elective instead._

_But this, readers, is not the worst this woman has done._

_During the first class of each year, Professor Trelawney predicts the death of a student. May I remind you, dear readers, that her class begins with_ thirteen-year-old children. _I shudder to think of the scars these poor things have because of this woman!_

_I am sure that many of you are now convinced of the staff's inefficiency, but there are horrors that none of you know, and I must endeavor to reveal the truth._

_Every other magical school has_ at least _five medi-witches or -wizards. A requirement many of the schools have is monthly check-ups, in case a student has wounds no one knows about. Since there are several hundred students in a magical school, it is much easier for one to have five medi-wizards or -witches on hand._

 _Unfortunately, Hogwarts only has_ one _medi-witch, Madam Poppy Pomfrey. She is a skilled and popular Healer, and all the students adore her, but she herself admits that she is not talented enough to work with several hundred children._

_"I've repeatedly asked Albus to hire more medi-wizards," Madam Pomfrey says as she tends to a sick student, "but he insists that I am more than capable of doing this on my own. I even send out letters to my colleagues in the medical field, but they never reply. I sometimes doubt if my letters arrive at all!"_

_Many students have complained about the lack of medical staff as well._

_"I went to ask Madam Pomfrey to treat a burn from Professor Lockhart's class," says Hestia Carrow, a Slytherin, "but she was already treating five people from Care of Magical Creatures, and told me to go to Professor Snape for burn salve."_

_I was curious about why she'd gotten burned in Defense, a class that is arguably the most important, considering that there are still Death Eaters out there, as well as many dangerous creatures. I was curious about why Professor Lockhart didn't heal the burn himself, and I inadvertently stumbled on a secret._

_"Are you kidding me?" Flora Carrow, Hestia's twin, exclaims when I ask. "Lockhart can't perform any spell and when he tries, someone gets hurt!"_

_"At least he's better than Professor Abbot," Hestia says, shuddering. "And Professor Quirrell ⎯ he had Voldemort on the back of his head!"_

_I was astounded. Dumbledore had hired a professor who was being possessed by You-Know-Who?_

_When I asked the students about their Defense teachers, they all said the same thing: that they were either incompetent or a danger to children, and something terrible happened to them at the end of every year that forced them to leave._

_I began to be worried. Surely the teachers weren't_ that _bad?_

_"Well, other than Professor Abbot, who was a child predator," says Marcus Flint, sixth year Slytherin, sarcastically, "or Professor Winthrop, who brought his pet venomous anaconda to class every day, or Professor May, who shouted students to tears, or Professor Wayfield, who was a vampire ⎯ yes, they weren't that bad, totally harmless."_

_A vampire? A child predator? I was questioning Dumbledore's sanity when I heard Marcus' speech. I decided to go deeper._

_It turns out that every single Defense professor since 1950 has been 1) only been hired for a year and 2) been the worst teachers a child could have. One of them was clinically insane!_

_But, you may protest, the current teacher, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, is famous for being the most powerful wizard in the world, second only to Dumbledore and Voldemort. His deeds are well-known, from banishing the Bandon Banshee to turning a werewolf back into a human on the night of full moon._

_But is everything as it seems?_

_When I questioned the students about the new Defense professor, I was immediately met by pleas for help._

_"At first," says Dean Thomas, second year Gryffindor, "we all thought he was funny. His stupidity wasn't really hurting anyone, it just made most people laugh. But then he started bringing dangerous creatures to the older classes, and suddenly a lot of students were getting hurt."_

_"At least with the first and second years, he was telling us about his 'adventures,' but some of them weren't even remotely realistic," says Parvati Patil, second year Gryffindor. "I mean, the only 'cure' for a werewolf is the Wolfsbane potion, and it just lets the werewolf keep his human mind during the full moon."_

_"We all want him to go," says Neville Longbottom, second year Hufflepuff, fearfully, "but Dumbledore refuses to fire him, even if there's another applicant who is a lot more qualified to teach."_

_Are the students of Hogwarts the only ones worried about their magical education? Are they the only ones frightened about what new teacher will be hired to teach the next generation? I, for one, hope that someone will step in to save our little ones._


	21. Chapter 21

"Harry," Draco said quietly, "Fred, George, there's something you should see." He looked worried. The twins exchanged wary glances.

Harry raised an eyebrow and stood up. "What?"

"It's in the _Daily Prophet,_ " Draco said. "I left it in the common room."

"Let's go, then," Harry said as Fred and George got up. "Neville, are you coming?"

"I have to finish this essay for Professor Snape," Neville said regretfully.

"We'll tell you later," said George.

The four of them left the library and walked down to the dungeons. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they found Percy Weasley talking to Vincent Crabbe, who looked stupider than usual.

"Vincent," Harry called. When Vincent didn't respond, he rolled his eyes and said, "Crabbe."

Weasley and Vincent both turned to him, frowning. "Potter," Weasley said stiffly.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Odd to see you down here, Weasley. What are you doing ⎯ hoping to catch Slytherin's Heir single-handedly?" Draco and the twins sniggered, and Vincent coughed quickly.

The prefect's face turned red with anger. "You ought to show a bit more respect to a school prefect!" Weasley snarled. "I don't like your attitude!"

"Because I'm going to show respect to a person who has _always_ been kind to me," Harry drawled sarcastically. "Oh wait ⎯ you haven't ever been kind to me. Let's go, Vincent, Draco, my demons." He marched past Weasley, leading the four Slytherins to the common room entrance.

"Pureblood," Draco stated, and the concealed stone door opened. Harry stepped inside.

The common room was mostly empty, given the fact that most Slytherins had gone home for Christmas, and they barely glanced up when Harry entered; though the ones that did looked incredibly respectful. Harry noticed that Vincent was looking around as if he'd never seen the common room before, an expression of deep concentration on his face.

Well that was odd.

"What did you want to show us, Draco?" Harry asked, taking a seat in his armchair. The twins collapsed on either side of him, and Vincent sat down on Fred's left.

"I'll go get it, Father just sent it to me," he said, rushing up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

"What do you think happened?" Fred asked curiously.

"Nothing good," George frowned. "Did you notice that he wanted to show me and you?"

"That means it's got something to do with one of the family members who actually _like_ us," Fred growled. A flicker of a sneer appeared on Vincent's face.

Harry frowned slightly. That sneer could be interpreted as disgust for the Weasleys that _didn't_ like the twins, but Vincent had never shown any expression but boredom and confusion.

Draco appeared at that moment and handed the newspaper to Harry. "It's about Mr. Weasley," he said worriedly.

The twins leaned over to read over Harry's shoulder.

**_Inquiry at the Ministry of Magic_ **

_Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, was today fined fifty Galleons for bewitching a Muggle Car._

_Mr. Lucius Malfoy, a governor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the enchanted car crashed earlier this year, called today for Mr. Weasley's resignation._

_"Weasley has brought the Ministry into disrepute," Mr. Malfoy told our reporter. "He is clearly unfit to draw up our laws and his ridiculous Muggle Protection Act should be scrapped immediately."_

_Mr. Weasley was unavailable for comment, although his wife told reporters to clear off or she'd set the family ghoul on them._

"Draco, tell your father to redact his statement," Harry said sharply, tossing the newspaper aside with disgust.

Draco instantly leaped to his feet and dashed up the stairs. Vincent, looking startled and curious, picked up the _Daily Prophet._ His face screwed up in anger.

"You alright, Vincent?" Harry asked curiously. Vincent blinked once before grunting, "Stomachache."

_Most people don't look angry when the have a stomachache, at least not Vincent._

"Potter," Marcus said in irritation as he collapsed beside George.

"What's wrong, Marcus?" Harry asked dryly.

"The idiot Gryffindors ⎯ not Finnigan and Thomas," Marcus added. "They keep spreading the rumor that _you've_ been attacking the Muggleborns."

Vincent's eyes widened slightly.

Harry snorted. "Ignore them, Marcus. It'll soon be obvious that I've been doing nothing."

"Is your boyfriend still-" Fred began.

"-telling you not-" said George.

"-to look for the Chamber-"

"-and stop the attacks?"

Harry turned pink and glared at them, almost missing the surprise and disgust on Vincent's face. "Yes, and I told you not to spread that around."

Marcus rolled his eyes. "Potter, it's obvious you're gay. At least, to all the _intelligent_ ones," he sneered. "What are we going to do about the rumors?"

"Wait," Harry shrugged. "I tried to tell the Hufflepuffs that I _haven't_ been setting the creature in the Chamber on the Muggleborns, but they won't listen. Macmillan still thinks I tried to set Obsidian on Finch-Fletchley."

"Have you figured out who's-" began George.

"- _actually_ controlling Slytherin's pet?" finished Fred.

"Do you have to talk like that?" Marcus demanded. The twins smirked in answer.

"No, I haven't," Harry said frustratedly. " _He_ won't tell me where the entrance is, so I can't scope it out and wait for whoever's been controlling the creature to show up."

"You must have some idea who's behind it all," Vincent said cautiously.

 _That is an intelligent comment and Vincent usually doesn't talk this much,_ Harry thought warily, keeping his expression unreadable. He caught the twins exchanging curious glances, but Marcus just looked bored.

"You know I haven't," Harry said coolly. "How many times do I have to tell you?" _If he reacts as if I've said the truth, then he's not Vincent. If he points out that I've lied...._

"D'you know if the person who opened the Chamber last time was caught?" Vincent asked.

 _Aaaand we have an imposter._ Harry ignored the twins' wide-eyed look and said, "I have no idea. Marcus?"

"Whoever it was was expelled," said Marcus. "Not entirely sure if he's still in Azkaban or not."

"Azkaban?" Harry frowned.

"Wizard prison," the twins chorused, still staring at Vincent.

Vincent blinked, then began to run his fingers through his hair... which was slowly turning a familiar red color.

"Oh dear," Harry said in a deadly, sweet tone, and instantly, the entire common room was on alert. "We appear to have a secret lion in our common room. My demons-" Fred and George straightened up "-will you show your brother what happens when a lion sneaks into the snake's den?"

The remaining Slytherins stood up, looking angry. Marcus smirked.

The twins smiled maliciously. "Yes, Harry," they said eagerly, latching onto Ronald Weasley.

"Oy!" Weasley barked, his voice a mixture between the red-head's loud, irritating tone and Vincent's deep one. "Let me go! I'm your brother!"

"Not-" said Fred.

"-anymore," George sneered. Together, they tossed Weasley out of the common room and slammed the door.

"As Heir of Hogwarts, I change the password of Slytherin's common room to _Toujours Pur,_ " Harry said calmly. The castle rumbled slightly, telling him that the password had changed. "Inform the change of password to the other prefects when they return," Harry told the two prefects who had remained behind. They nodded and sat back down, followed by the rest of the Slytherins.

Draco came rushing back down with a letter in his hands. He frowned, pausing at the bottom of the stairs. "Where's Vincent?"


	22. Chapter 22

_**Hello?** _

_Your handwriting isn't familiar... who is this?_

_**I'm Ginny Weasley.** _

_...well, crap._

\------------

Harry cursed as he threw his things willy-nilly around the room. Where was it? He swore he put it back into his trunk.

There was a knock on the door, and Harry snarled, "What?"

"It's Draco... you okay, Harry?"

"Someone took my Tom! I mean the diary!"

"...well, crap."

\------------

Fred and George were planning another prank when Draco came flying into the room, looking panicky.

"What is it?" the twins chorused.

"The diary is missing!" Draco squeaked. "Harry's on a rampage! There's a traitor in Slytherin House!"

George looked at Fred, and Fred looked at George. Then, in unison, both said, "Well, crap."

\------------

Neville carefully placed the Venomous Tentacula seed in the ground and covered it with dirt. Professor Sprout beamed.

"Well done, Mr. Longbottom!" she said warmly. "Twenty points to Hufflepuff-"

She was interrupted by the twins, who burst into the greenhouse with a horrified Draco behind them.

"Boys!" Professor Sprout exclaimed. "You can't just barge into-"

"Is Harry alright?" Neville immediately asked.

"The diary-" Draco gasped "-it's missing-"

"Well, crap."


	23. Chapter 23

"All students return to their House dormitories at once. All teachers return to the staff room. Immediately, please."

Draco, Neville, Fred, and George exchanged worried glances. Obviously, something bad had happened.

"Harry?" Neville asked quietly. Harry had barely reacted to the announcement, his expression dull.

Harry grunted.

"Do you want to know what's happened?" Draco said nervously.

"We could send Peeves," Fred began.

There was a sudden, loud commotion in the hallway, and several Hufflepuffs came rushing in. Macmillan was white.

"You took a student into the Chamber!" he squawked, pointing a finger at Harry. "We know it's you this time, you hate Ginny Weasley!"

Neville gasped; the twins looked a mixture of pleased and alarmed; Draco had gone as white as Macmillan.

Fire exploded in Harry's eyes, and he turned to glare at Macmillan. "What do you mean, Ginny Weasley was taken into the Chamber?"

Macmillan opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment, Professor Snape came striding into the library. "What is this noise!" he snapped.

"Macmillan accused Harry of taking Weasley to the Chamber," Draco replied. Snape blanched.

"A student has been taken to the Chamber?" Snape sputtered.

"Professor," Harry said stiffly, standing, "please take Draco, Fred, George, and the Hufflepuffs to their common rooms. I have an annoying girl to rescue." _And my Tom._

"You-" Macmillan began angrily.

"Fifty points from Hufflepuff!" Snape snarled. "How dare you accuse a _twelve-year-old child_ of opening the Chamber and Petrifying students!" He turned to Harry. "Good luck, Harry."

"Don't you _dare_ die," Neville said fiercely, "or I swear-"

"I'll be fine, Neville," Harry soothed. "My Demons, protect Draco."

"Yes, Harry," the twins chorused, as Draco looked indignant.

"I can take care of-" Draco broke off as the twins each took one of his arms and began dragging him out of the library. Snape shook his head and followed, and the Hufflepuffs scampered after him. Neville gave Harry a look of worry before following.

 _Marvolo,_ Harry thought, _I need the entrance to the chamber ⎯ now._

 _Whatever for?_ Voldemort thought crossly.

_Ginny Weasley has been taken to the Chamber. Whoever took her has the diary._

_Moaning Myrtle's bathroom,_ Voldemort said at once. _One of the sinks is broken. That's the entrance. The password is 'open' in Parseltongue._

 _Thank you._ Harry cut off the connection.

Ten minutes later, Harry was standing in Myrtle's bathroom. He studied the sinks until he found one with a snake scratched on the side of the pipe.

" _Open,_ " he hissed.

With a grating noise, the sink sank down into the ground, revealing a huge slimy pipe. Harry wrinkled his nose.

 _You can ask for stairs, brat,_ Voldemort told him irritably.

" _Stairs,_ " Harry said sharply. The pipe shimmered and was replaced with what looked like a hundred stone steps, all different sizes and depths. It almost looked more dangerous than the pipe.

But Harry would have fought an army of dragons to save his Tom.

So, with a sigh, he started climbing down the stairs.

It took almost half an hour to get to the bottom. When he did, Harry was panting. He needed to get in shape....

Carefully, he glanced around. He was standing in a long, dimly-lit stone tunnel that stretched for miles. Harry groaned. This was going to take forever!

About ten minutes later, Harry found himself standing in front of another doorway: a circular doorway with two intertwined snakes.

" _Open,_ " he said again. The snakes split in half and rolled in opposite directions out of sight, revealing a huge, dark chamber.

Harry whipped out his wand. " _Basilisk Revelio,_ " he whispered. Nothing happened. Harry relaxed; the snake must not be here. " _Homenem Revelio,_ " he said again. Two flashes indicated that there were two people down there.

 _Wait a minute... two?_ Harry connected to Voldemort again. _Marvolo, would your diary register as a person? I cast_ Homenem Revelio _and it said there are two people down here._

 _It shouldn't,_ Voldemort replied, sounding faintly bewildered.

"Hello?" Harry called out cautiously.

Silence.

 _Keep the connection open, Potter,_ Voldemort ordered. _Something's off here...._

Harry cautiously peeked through the doorway.

He could see only one person. Weasley was curled up, unconscious, at the feet of a huge statue, probably of Slytherin. He could also see the diary beside her.

 _What do I do?_ Harry asked. _I can't see the second person._

_Call the basilisk. Weasley is asleep; it won't bother her._

" _Tenebris,_ " Harry hissed. " _Can you hear me?_ "

There was a pause. Then a faint voice hissed, _You are not master. Who are you?_

" _I'm dating your master, the younger Tom,_ " Harry responded.

 _What is dating?_ Tenebris asked.

" _Er... I guess you would call it trying to see if I'd be a good mate or not,_ " Harry said in embarrassment, causing Voldemort to snort. " _My name is Harry Potter._ "

_Do you follow the bearded fool?_

" _Dumbledore? Of course not. He ruined my life._ "

 _What is your wish, then, Master's mate?_ the snake asked.

Harry blushed. " _There are two other people in the Chamber. Lure the one that isn't unconscious out of hiding._ "

_Of course, Master's mate. Close your eyes, I do not wish to kill you._

Obediently, Harry shut his eyes, but not until he'd cast a spell that would tell him if danger was approaching.

There was silence for a moment, and then a loud hissing filled the room. Then there was a loud curse.

 _Dumbledore? What is the old fool doing down here?_ Harry thought.

" _Stupefy! Stupefy!_ "

Tenebris hiss-laughed. _Old foolish bearded one. My skin is nearly invincible._

"Stupid snake!"

The basilisk laughed louder. _Master's mate, he is in the middle of the room._

" _Thank you,_ " Harry smirked. " _Keep him there. I'm going to speak to him under a glamor._ "

_What is a glamor?_

" _I will appear to be someone else,_ " Harry explained. " _Is it safe to look now?_ "

_Yes, Master's mate._

Harry opened his eyes.

A black snake about twenty times bigger than a boa constrictor was slowly slithering around Dumbledore, the statue of Slytherin, and Ginny. Dumbledore was ranting and cursing and almost stamping his foot in frustration.

Voldemort started cackling in his head. _That is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen._

Harry sniggered quietly. _I completely agree._ He began applying glamors to make him look taller, with darker hair and _Avada Kedavra_ green eyes. _You don't mind if I pretend to be your son?_

 _That's... fine._ Voldemort sounded startled. _What do you plan on your name being?_

 _Salazar Filsnoir Riddle,_ Harry said after a pause. **(French. Fils: son; noir: dark)**

 _Dark son... clever, brat,_ Voldemort laughed.

Harry cast one final glamor on his voice, making it deeper, smoother, icier, and stepped into the Chamber.

"Hello," Harry said sweetly. Dumbledore froze and stared at him. "You must be Albus Dumbledore."

 _Master's mate, is that you?_ Tenebris asked.

" _Yes, Tenebris._ "

Dumbledore frowned. "I've never seen you here, my boy. What is your name?"

Harry smiled in a deadly way. "My name is Salazar Filsnoir Riddle... you might know my father...."

The headmaster slowly turned pale. Harry chuckled darkly and walked over to Tenebris' head.

The basilisk's amber eyes flashed at him, hissing in pleasure as Harry stroked the serpent's head.

"I was unaware Voldemort had a child," Dumbledore said carefully.

"Well, he and the Death Eaters worked very hard to keep that a secret," Harry chuckled. "It wouldn't do to have the Dark's heir kidnapped and manipulated by a certain conniving headmaster, now would it?" He gave Dumbledore an innocent smile that didn't hide his seething disgust very well.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, my boy," Dumbledore said confusedly, anger flashing in the man's eyes.

Tenebris hissed angrily, and Harry murmured, " _Calm, Tenebris, I know he lies._ " The snake relaxed slightly.

"I'm sure you don't," Harry sneered. "After all, you _haven't_ been manipulating and controlling your precious Boy-Who-Lived...." He continued before Dumbledore could protest, still stroking the basilisk. "So what are you doing down here, hmm? And how, for that matter?"

Dumbledore frowned. "I am not sure what you-"

"Only those who can speak Parseltongue can open the Chamber," Harry said lazily.

"There are ways to temporarily become a Parselmouth," Dumbledore said, glancing warily at the huge serpent.

Harry blinked. Really? He hadn't known that.

"So... why are you down here? To save this little girl?" Harry glanced down at the unconscious form of Weasley. "You're welcome to take her away, she irritates me."

Dumbledore stared at him. "And this?" He pointed at Tom's diary.

"Don't you know it's rude to invade someone else's privacy?" Harry asked coldly. "You may have the girl. But not the diary." _If you touch my Tom I will kill you!_

 _'Your Tom?'_ Voldemort asked, confused.

"If you are greedy and demand both, you will have neither, and the girl will be mine," Harry said cooly, ignoring Voldemort.

The old man paled. "I will accept your offer," he said quickly, bending to pick up Weasley. "May I ask what you are going to do with the book?"

"I hardly think that is any of your business." Harry picked up the diary and put it in his robe pocket. "Now leave."

Dumbledore turned around and headed in the direction of the tunnel. Silently, Harry sent a Memory Charm at Weasley, so she wouldn't remember anything related to the Chamber.

When Dumbledore had gone, Harry removed his glamor and opened the diary.

_Tom! Are you okay!_

In answer, there was a flash of light, and Tom appeared. He looked a lot more solid than the first time. He dragged Harry into a hug.

Harry slammed his lips on Tom's, and the older boy gave a muffled squeak of surprise.

 _Master, Master's mate, as adorable as this is, you aren't alone,_ Tenebris hissed exasperatedly.

 _I AM BLINDED!_ Voldemort shouted. _STOP KISSING!_

Tom pulled away from Harry's face with a slight popping noise. "Sorry, Marvolo," he said in a slightly dazed tone. "I'm fine, Harry."

"You look fine," Harry agreed, glancing him up and down. Then he blushed. "I mean, you don't look hurt."

Tom smirked. "You don't think I look fine?"

"No ⎯ I mean yes! I mean ⎯ Arg!"

"What happened to my boyfriend who loves teasing me?" Tom chuckled, running his hands through Harry's messy raven locks.

Harry scowled. "You disappeared, that's what happened."

Tom's expression softened and he kissed Harry's forehead. "I'm here," he whispered. "You don't have to worry anymore."

Harry buried his face in Tom's shoulder, muffling a sob of relief. "Love you," he muttered.

He felt the older boy freeze for a moment. Then Tom held him tighter. "Love you, too," Tom whispered.

_AUGH! NO MORE! TURN OFF THE CONNECTION OR I'M GOING TO-!_


	24. Chapter 24

Harry was seated with Neville, Fred, George, and Draco at the Slytherin table when the doors burst open and a group of Aurors appeared, followed by Sirius and Remus.

"Gilderoy Lockhart!" the head Auror barked, and the Defense teacher jumped, startled. "You are under arrest!"

"What!" squawked Lockhart as the rest of the Aurors swarmed up to the staff table.

"Under what charges?" Dumbledore asked cautiously.

"One, performing magic on minors without their permission," the Auror replied, "two, performing the Memory Charm without permission, three, manhandling minors-"

"I really must protest!" Lockhart sputtered, struggling against his captors.

"You have the right to remain silent, Lockhart," the Auror said coldly. "Albus Percival Wolfric ⎯ oh for Merlin's sake, _just_ Albus Dumbledore, you are under arrest for hiring unsafe teachers for children, including but not limited to: a child predator, a vampire..."

Harry smirked as the Aurors dragged a loudly protesting Lockhart and a furious but silent Dumbledore away from the Great Hall.

"Minerva," the head Auror said as he turned to McGonagall, "you will be temporary Headmistress until we are sure you won't hire teachers like Nautilus Abbot."

McGonagall shuddered. "I was furious with Albus when I saw who he'd hired, but he refused to hear anything about it." She smiled tiredly at Harry's godfathers as the Auror left. "I assume you're here for the Defense position, Sirius?"

"We're actually tag-teaming," Sirius explained. "Remus is going to teach most of the time, but for a week during his time of the month-" He broke off with a yelp when Remus swatted him. The Hall burst into laughter.

"I will be teaching three weeks out of every month," Remus said stiffly, "and Sirius will teach the rest of the time."

"That's acceptable," McGonagall replied, faintly amused. "May I introduce Professors Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black?"

\-------------

"Why is Professor Lupin-Black only teaching three weeks out of every month?" Draco asked as Harry led the other second-year Slytherins to the Defense classroom. It was the start of Remus' "man-period," as Sirius called it, or, if you wanted to be technical, it was the week of full-moon, when werewolves became snarky and irritable.

"I will tell _you_ later, Draco," Harry replied as they arrived at the door, where a familiar black dog was waiting for them, allowing the second-year Gryffindors and Slytherins to pet him as they passed.

"Aw, what a cute dog," Parvati Patil cooed as she rubbed Sirius' head. "Is this your godfathers' dog, Harry?"

Harry chuckled. "In a way, yes." Sirius yapped in agreement.

Blaise gave Sirius a faintly nervous look.

"What's wrong, Blaise?" Harry asked curiously while Draco patted the dog, hiding a smirk.

"I ⎯ er ⎯ don't really like big dogs," Blaise said nervously.

"Padfoot is a very well-behaved dog," Harry promised. "He won't hurt you, unless you plan on hurting me." Sirius growled quietly, causing most of the students to back away.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Harry," Blaise grumbled. "I'd have to be incredibly stupid to do that."

Sirius padded over to Blaise, who froze, sat down, and leaned his head against Blaise's side. His dog form was so large that he almost reached the boy's shoulder. Hesitantly, Blaise patted Sirius, then relaxed, running his fingers through the dog's thick black fur.

"Class is in thirty seconds," Harry reminded them. He let the other students go inside first, before giving Sirius an amused look. "That was one way to introduce yourself to the class, Uncle Padfoot."

The black dog grinned at him and led Harry into the class.

"Where do you reckon the other Lupin-Black is?" Dean was asking Draco. Harry noticed that he, Seamus, and Parvati were sitting with the other Slytherins.

Padfoot barked loudly, causing the class to jump and turn to him. Then, he smoothly transformed back into Sirius Lupin-Black.

"Welcome to Defense," Sirius grinned as the class gaped. "Since I share the same last name as my husband-" he ignored Weasley's wrinkled nose and Granger's horrified look "-I've received permission from Minnie ⎯ sorry, the _headmistress_ ⎯ to have my students call me Professor Padfoot." He strode to the front of the room. "Take a seat, kiddos."

Harry sat down between Dean and Draco, smiling lazily at the Gryffindors, most of whom glared back at him.

"Before we begin, I'd like to take a couple minutes for you to ask me questions," Sirius said, sitting on top of his desk. "Favorite color, favorite spell, things like that. If you think it might be too personal, please don't ask."

Several students raised their hands.

"Your name is?" Sirius asked, pointing at Dean.

"Dean Thomas," said Dean. "What was your favorite House when you were in Hogwarts?"

Sirius laughed. "Gryffindor, of course! All of my friends were lions ⎯ except Pandora Lovegood, who was in Ravenclaw. Now, I think it might be Slytherin, because my godson is a little snake."

More hands.

"And you are?" Sirius asked Seamus.

"Seamus Finnigan. When did you become an Animagus?"

A faintly sad look appeared on Sirius' face. "My fifth year at Hogwarts," he said shortly. "Along with my husband and our two friends." He cleared his throat. "Any more questions?"

Harry raised his hand.

"Yes, pup?" Sirius said, smiling slightly.

Ignoring the snickers and whispers that had sprung up at the nickname, Harry said, "What was your favorite prank you played at school?"

Sirius brightened. "The one we played on the entire school, on the last day of our seventh year. Your mother helped with that one," he added. "She insisted, because she didn't want anyone to be hurt." He looked embarrassed for a moment. "For our first five years, we weren't exactly the nicest pranksters.

"Anyway, on the morning of the prank, we asked the house-elves to put a potion that your parents and Remus made in every goblet in the Great Hall. It was supposed to change your robes to the House you hated the most, while changing your skin to the neon version of your least favorite color, and your hair the neon version of your least favorite house's colors. So the Slytherins were wearing Gryffindor robes and their hair neon red; the Gryffindors were wearing Slytherin robes and had neon green hair; the Ravenclaws had either Gryffindor or Slytherin robes and neon green or red hair; and the Hufflepuffs were wearing robes from all three Houses with neon blue, neon green, and neon red hair."

"That's one way to promote House unity," Harry said dryly, making the other Slytherins and Dean, Seamus, and Parvati laugh.

\------------

"Hello, Uncle Moony," Harry said warmly, hugging the werewolf.

Remus ran his fingers through Harry's black locks. "Hello, cub," he grumbled. "Sirius, I need coffee."

Harry heard Sirius chuckle and head to the kitchen.

"What did you want to talk to us about, Harry?" Remus asked as he sat down on the couch. Harry joined him.

"Well, I was going to introduce you to my boyfriend, but-"

"DiD yOu SaY bOyFrIeNd?" Sirius shouted excitedly from the kitchen.

Harry blanched, and Remus smirked. "Sirius, you aren't allowed to prank our cub's boyfriend."

"Dang it!" Sirius came back in, scowling, and handed Remus a cup of coffee. He sat down on Harry's other side.

"Why don't you want to introduce us?" Remus asked, after taking a sip.

Harry raised an eyebrow and pointed at Sirius, who pouted.

"Understandable," Remus said dryly, earning an indignant look from his husband. "If he is anything other than polite and welcoming, he's sleeping in the dog house."

Sirius turned white. "Yes, Moony."

Harry relaxed and pulled out the diary.

"What's that?" Sirius frowned.

"You'll see." Harry pulled out a quill and wrote, _**Tom, I want you to meet my godparents.**_

_...Should I be nervous?_

_**Probably not.** _

A moment later, Tom emerged from the diary, making Remus tense and Sirius jump.

"Uncle Moony, Uncle Padfoot," Harry sighed, "this is Tom Riddle, my boyfriend."

Tom smiled nervously. "Erm, hi."

Sirius grinned, recovering quickly. "You live in a diary," he noted.

Harry snickered, and Tom blushed. "I suppose you could say that," he said in embarrassment.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Remus said, casting a stern look to Sirius as he stood. He shook Tom's hand.

"Oh, yeah, right," Sirius said quickly, standing up and shaking Tom's hand, too.

"Sit," Harry ordered, pointing at the armchair across from the couch. Tom obeyed. "I wanted to discuss something with the three of you."

"We're listening," Sirius said, his eyes on Tom, who was looking more and more nervous.

"Stop staring at Tom, Padfoot," Remus ordered, his eyes flashing gold briefly. Tom's eyes widened.

"Yes, Alpha," Sirius said quickly, staring at the ceiling instead.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I wanted to talk about Voldemort's Horcruxes."

Sirius yelped and fell off the couch.


	25. Chapter 25

On June 25th, a barn owl carrying a shrunken trunk landed in the middle of Albania forest. It had just dropped the trunk when a large snake lunged out of the bushes, barely missing the owl, which hooted loudly and shot away.

As soon as he did so, the trunk returned to its normal size. A split second later, there was a _crack,_ and a tall man with greasy hair appeared, clutching a boy.

"That was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced," the raven-haired boy said in disgust. "Hello, Marvolo."

"Brat," said a human voice, which seemed to be coming from the snake. "Severus."

The man blanched at the faintly cold tone. "My lord," he said nervously.

"You're here to do the ritual?"

"Yes," the boy agreed, pulling a small diary from his robes. "We have all your Horcruxes. You should probably know that we found your locket in Grimmauld Place ⎯ the Black Manor ⎯ instead of the cave. There's a fake there, we left it in case Dumbledore escapes and tries to find your Horcruxes."

" _What?!_ " The snake hissed angrily, rearing.

"Your Horcruxes are save, Marvolo, stop panicking." The boy opened the trunk. "You have to be a shade for this part."

"I know, brat, _I_ suggested this ritual!" A being that seemed to be made of smoke floated out of the snake and hovered in midair.

The boy and man pulled an assortment of things from the trunk: a sort of tiara, a silver locket with an _S_ inscribed on it, a cup with two handles, and a ring. They placed these, as well as the diary and the snake, around the shade in a circle on the ground. The boy also joined the circle.

" _The spell, Severus,_ " the shade said coldly.

The man flinched and pulled out his wand. Then he began chanting.

" _Redeo ad animum, praeter unum... Redeo ad animum, praeter unum... Redeo ad animum, praeter unum..._ " **(Return all to the soul, except for one)**

A sudden light erupted in the clearing: a eerie green light, which emerged from each item on the forest floor except for the diary. The boy winced when a small sliver of green light flowed from his chest, but otherwise didn't move.

The light hovered around the shade for a moment, then began spinning around the human-shaped smoke so quickly that Marvolo disappeared from view. The green light burned so brightly that the man and boy had to cover their faces.

When the light disappeared, a tall man stood in the place of the shade. His hair was long and dark, his skin pale. For all accounts, he looked like a normal, very handsome man. The only thing that showed that he wasn't _quite_ normal was his glowing, scarlet eyes.

He also wasn't wearing anything.

"Severus, my wand," Marvolo said irritably, smirking as the boy yelped and covered his eyes.

Severus, eyes still squeezed shut, reached into his pocket and pulled out a second wand, handing it to the scarlet-eyed man. Marvolo transfigured a rock into a pair of jeans and quickly put them on.

"You can look, brat," Marvolo snorted as he turned another rock into a long-sleeved black shirt.

The boy blinked. "I am never getting that out of my brain," he said dramatically, earning nearly-identical snorts from the two older men.

"Dramatic much, Potter?" Marvolo sneered, turning a clump of grass into a pair of black tennis-shoes.

"What's dramatic?" the boy asked sarcastically. In a more serious tone, he added, "I blame Uncle Padfoot."

Severus sniffed in agreement.

"And Professor Snape," the boy smirked.

"I am not dramatic!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two will be up soon!


End file.
